LAUGH OF A THOUSAND DAY

I attended a church service last
Sunday and
the Pastor asked us to pray
for our heart
desire. Normally I don't listen
to People when they pray in Church but, I did
last Sunday and
Words from one Sister's
Mouth
almost sent me into Coma.......
The Sister was seriously uttering these words;
*OH! Lord, Crash the plane of
my SINGLENESS,
Lord crash it!
*Consume me with the fire of
WEDLOCK. *Jehovah, ROAST ME! JAM me
with the Lorry of
HOLY MATRIMONY.
*Father detonate the
BOMB of ENGAGEMENT
in my life! *STAB me with a man of your
choice Lord.
*HANG my neck the BONE of
my BONES.
*IMPRISON my life with the
RIB of my RIBS. *SHOOT me with an AK47 of
True Love.
* Let the Trailer of Love Pull
me down
* Slap me with the Hand of
Love * HANDCUFF ME with my
Husband oh lord
* CHAIN my heart with My
husband
* ADD YOUR OWN
Abeg wetin be the Name of My Church?

Ask Google nw

hehehe... interesting prayer

ancl wrote:

Ask Google nw

Lolz

Deep love ministry

google no answer me oo

Akpos Joke: Pastor’s crazy
prayer
Akpos’ pastor added him on
facebook and he
innocently accepted.
Two minutes later his message came in:
Pastor: How are you?
Akpos: I’m fine, my daddy.
Pastor: May the building of
heavenly favour
collapse on your head Akpos: (no reply)
Pastor: May the thunder of
Blessing strike you and
your family.
Akpos: (no reply)
Pastor: May God slash you with the axe of life
Akpos: (no reply)
Pastor: May God stab you with
the knife of riches
Akpos: (no reply)
Pastor: May you be sentenced to life
imprisonment in the eternal
jail of success
Akpos: (no reply)
Pastor: May the World Trade
Centre of happiness collapse on you and your
family
Akpos (no reply)
Pastor: Are you there?
Akpos: Yes, my daddy
Pastor: You should be saying amen to claim the
Blessings.
Akpos: Ok, May the over-
speeding trailer of
blessings jam and crush you
and your family. May the earthquake of happiness
swallow you and your
family members. May the sea
of miracles drown
you and your family members
in Jesus’ name. Pastor: (no reply)
Akpos: You should be saying
‘Amen’ to claim
these prayers
Pastor: May thunder fire you!
Idiot!

Akpo's himself

na so lols

Hahahaha, lolz. No1 to follow me laugth here o

M self don laugh tire.

A man travelled to Brazil for the
World Cup games. He went in
search of a hotel room. He
combed through all the town
before he came by one. A
woman also had the same problem, found the same hotel
room but was told that the
room was being occupied by a
man, so she agreed to pass the
night with the man.
When they went to bed, the woman intentionally bid the
man good night before she
slept. The man was then
sexually aroused but couldn't
do anything because the
woman had placed a pillow on the bed to separate them.
The next morning, when they
were on their way to see a
football game, the wind blew
the woman's hat away and
fell on a rooftop of an abandoned house. The man
offered to help get the hat
back and was about climbing
the high wall to the house.
But the woman suddenly
barked at him, "Stupid man! You couldn't climb over a
pillow, and now you are
trying to climb over a wall.
ONE WORD FOR THE WOMAN
AND THE MAN ?

JOKE JOKE JOKE
Akpors just got a job as a
porter in hotel. The
manager told him: "...in here
we give
every customer personalized services and you
have to be very
observant so you know how
to address their every
need even before they ask"
Before the manager could finish, a couple walked
through the hotel
entrance and the manager
quickly approached them,
nicely
took their baggage and said, "Welcome Mr & Mrs James, it is
our delight to have
you in our hotel. Please come
this way to the
reception" ... and he led them
to the reception. After the couple had been taken care
of, Akpos asked the
manager,
"Has the couple been visiting
this hotel before?"
"No" came the reply from the manager
"So how come you knew
their name?" asked Akpors.
"That is why I told you to be
very observant.
All I had to do was quickly look at the label on their
baggage while I'm taking it
from them and see the
name on the tag". "Oh, here
comes another couple.
Why don't you give it a try?" "Ok" said Akpos and he
hurriedly approached the
couple, helped them with their
luggage and said,
"Welcome Mr & Mrs MADE IN
CHINA! We are delighted to have you in our
hotel... laugh it out

Akpos get home at midnight
and knocks the door: Wife: Go back to where you
are coming from! Akpos: Open the door or I will
throw myself into the
swimming pool! Wife: Go ahead and kill
yourself, do you think I care? **So Akpos stands near the
dark part of the gate and
waits for 2 minutes, takes a
big stone and throws it into
the swimming
pool !!!!..Scheweew. .!!!! **Wife hears, opens the door
and runs towards the
swimming pool. Akpos
quickly sneaks into the house
then locks the door. Wife: Open the door or I will
shout!! Akpos: Shout till all the
neighbours wake up and come
here. Tell them where you are
coming from by this time of
the night with only a pant and
bra!

Pls kindly judge this
matter.....I was in a
taxi,chatting with my friend
on whatsapp and suddenly
discovered that the man
sitting beside me was reading my conversation.Since I did not want to embarrass the
man, so l decided to change
the topic "Abeg oga, please tell
Kabiru Sokoto or AbuQaqa
that I only took two of the
bombs we just manufactured for this operation.Let them
know as well that I may find
it difficult to get to the target
place before the bombs
explode because there is
terrible traffic jam now but never the less, I am sure
casualty figure will be high
since we are five in our taxi
and all the vehicles in the
traffic will be affected too.We
have less than 3minutes for the bomb to go off.Bye and
take care of my parents and
siblings as agreed.The Man,
without allowing the taxi to
stop quickly opened the taxi
door and jumped out and eventually died, pls who killed
him?..Me or Amebo?

Mr Jobes, pls dnt kil person

morning

Akpos was coming back from
school, singing and dancing,
the
father asked him and said my
son
dis one dat u are happy, singing
and dancing, I have not seen u
in
dis mood for a while now,
Akpos
replied and said papa, u will not
be buying new textbooks,
notebooks and all the writing
materials, the father shouted,
thats my son, but wait oo, did
u win scholarship or something?
Akpos said noo ooh
I AM REPEATING
THE SAME CLASS AGAIN...

Good Morning...

┌┐┌┐ ○
│└┘│┌┐
│┌┐│││

How I Took My Girl To Her
Room To Show Her My Thing...
It was around 6am in the
morning, she was sitting alone
in the verandah when I came.
The compound was empty. Everyone had gone to work
that friday morning, "Nneka, I
want to show you
something."
"What is it?" She asked.
"Can I show it to you in your room?"
"Okay." She replied.
We went inside. "Can we close
the door?" I said.
"Hmmm, okay." She closed the
door. I draw the blinds of the
curtains together to limit the
reflection of the rising sun.
"Can we switch the light off?"
I requested.
"Yes!" She responded, a bit excited.
"Hold my hand." I said.
She held my hand. "What is
it?" She inquired.
I unveiled it and said
::
::
::
::
::
::
::
::
::
::
::
::
"
See, my new wrist-watch. It glows in the dark."
What were you all thinking?!
Dirty minds!, i caught you

~☆¸.·´¯`·.¸☽☆☆¸ .·´¯`·.¸☽☆~ CYNTHIA: I'm I beautiful?
AKPOS: Yes!
CYNTHIA: I'm I smart?
AKPOS: Yes!
CYNTHIA: I'm I one in a
million?
AKPOS: Yes!
CYNTHIA: Why are you just
saying yes to all my
questions?
AKPOS: Because the truth is
bitter

~☆¸.·´¯`·.¸☽☆☆¸ .·´¯`·.¸☽☆~ TEACHER: What did you write
in your story?
AKPOS: At the beginning, I
wrote a man was riding a
horse and at the end I wrote
he reached his destination.
TEACHER: You idiot, what did
you write in the middle?
AKPOS: The horse was
running, 'tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik'... TEACHER FAINTED.
~☆¸.·´¯`·.¸☽☆☆¸ .·´¯`·.¸☽☆~ QUESTION
~☆¸.·´¯`·.¸☽☆☆¸ .·´¯`·.¸☽☆~ What is owned by you but
mostly used by others ? CAN YOU GUESS THE ANSWER ? I
don't think so.

Ayusguy wrote:

Akpos was coming back from
school, singing and dancing,
the
father asked him and said my
son
dis one dat u are happy, singing
and dancing, I have not seen u
in
dis mood for a while now,
Akpos
replied and said papa, u will not
be buying new textbooks,
notebooks and all the writing
materials, the father shouted,
thats my son, but wait oo, did
u win scholarship or something?
Akpos said noo ooh
I AM REPEATING
THE SAME CLASS AGAIN...

Good Morning...

Good morning jare, i done laugh tire

~-==-_-==-_-==- _-==-_-==-~ ~- ==-_-==-_-==- _-==-_-==-~
A little boy wanted $100.00
very badly and prayed for
weeks, but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a
letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter to God,
USA, they decided to send it to
the President. The president
was so amused that he
instructed his secretary to
send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this
would appear to be a lot of
money to a little boy. The
little boy was delighted with
the $5.00 bill and sat down to
write a thank-you note to God, which read:
>>> Dear God: Thank you very
much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that for
some reason you sent it
through Washington, DC, and those crooks deducted $95.00
in taxes.
~-==-_-==-_-==- ~ ~-==-_-==--==-~

QUESTION
~-==-_-==-_-==- ~ ~-==-_-==-_-==- ~
what is the best thing to put
on a delicious cake ? lets see if
you can get the answer.
~-==-_-==-_-==- _-==-_-==-~ ~- ==-_-==-_-==- _-==-_-==-~

GbAgAuN...... Jst 8days to Go; INEC CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL. "ICL"
DATE: 28 MARCH 2015,
TICKET: PVC,
KICK OFF: 10:AM,
VENUE: ESTADIO DE POLLING BOOT,
CAPACITY: 68MILLION Voters,
REFFEREE: ATTAHIRU JEGA,
CLUB: TEAM PDP (Transformations) vs TEAM APC (Change),
DEFENDING CHAMPION: TEAM PDP,
FORMATION: 5-3-2. As
the defending champions, This is a defending formation in the bid to defend their title.
TEAM PDP LINE UP;
1.Patience Jonathan - Goal Keeper
3.Ngozi Okonjo Iweala - supporting striker.
6.David Mark - Defender
5.Edwin Clark - Defender
2.Ayo Fayose - attacker (yellow card)
7.Godswill Akpabio - Striker
4.Adamu Muazu - Striker
10.Nnamani Sambo - Defender
11.Gabriel Suswan - Midfilder
8.Olusegun Mimiko - Midfider
9.Goodluck Jonathan - Defender (Team Captain)
SUBS.
12.Fani Kayode - attacker (yellow card)
21.Alison Maduekwe - Midfilder
15.Musiliu Obanikoro - attacker
13.Reuben Abati - Winger
TEAM PDP COACH: Asari Dokubo.
TEAM APC FORMATION: 4:3:3
TEAM APC Employs a diamond formation with attacking
option and prolific striker leading the attack.
TEAM APC LINE UP.
13.Rotimi Amaechi - (GoalKeeper)
5.Bola Tinubu - Defender
2.Raji Fashola - Striker
3.Rochas Okorocha - Striker
26.John Oyegun - Midfilder
45.Muhammadu Buhari - )Team Captain) Defender
7.Abubakar Atiku - supporting Striker(on loan from PDP)
21.Aminu Tambuwal - Defender (on loan from PDP)
8.Bisi Akande - Defender (formal Captain)
11.Adams Oshiomole - winger
29.Yemi Osibanjo - supporting Striker ( on loan from Redeemed fc)
SUBS:
4.John Kayode - Midfilder (Yellow Card)
10.Abike Dabiri - Midfilder (Yellow Card)
9.Rauf Aregbesola - attacker
6.Dr Bukola Saraki - Defender
17.Segun Oni - attacker (Yellow Card)
Team APC COACH-
Baba Olusegun Obasanjo - (former PDP Defender).
Match Commissioner:
EU Election Monitoring Observer.

Match Commentator:
AYUSGUY_TheWordNation.

POWERED by 1960bet, Merrybet, Naijapredict and 9jabet.....
PREDICT this Match nd get a chance to Win big prize.... Best of Luck Naija peeps!!!!

Lol....this prayer hard o

Funny dude

Who go win

FUTURE IMPOSSIBLE TENSE.

1. Okada killed two people inside trailler...
2. Christiano Ronaldo impreginate Funke
Akindele...
3. Lil Wayne features Pasuma in his new
single...
4, Eyinmba will sign Messi dis march...
5. Baba suwe joined Illuminati, signed in
by Jay z...
6. Beyonce is in love with Terry G...
7. Primary school pupils don dey graduate
at class primary 2....
8. University and Poly students are now
putting on school uniforms...
9. Obama claims EDO STATE as his home
town...
10. New Arsenal manager is Chief
Olusegun Obasanjo...
11. Chris Brown wears agbada and
slippers to the grammy awards...
12. Aregbesola is jonathan younger brother, while yinka ayefele is obama adviser.
13. Ose ose omobanke sign 5yrs deal with Arsenal as new striker.

Keep it rolling..
Don't End the Fun,
Add yours..

na wa o, where I go begin laugh!!!?

Musa vs Akpos
After writing a maths examination, a fight ensued
between Musa and Akpos. Classmates gathered
around to watch the the two students exhibit
their boxing skills. A teacher separated them and
asked them why them were fighting...
AKPOS: This idiot copied me during the maths
exam!
MUSA: Copy? He’s lying! I didn’t write anything!
My answer booklet was blank before I submitted!
AKPOS: You copied my blank answers! Because I
didn’t write anything on my answer booklet too
before I submitted!
One word for Akpos?

SEX MACHINE

A woman was having sex in an apartment
20 floors high with another man. She then
heard her husband (Akpos) coming… she
told her lover to stay like a robot and not
to move.
Akpos: What is this?
Wife: This is a robot, I bought to have sex when you are travelling…
Akpos: Okay…Lets have sex now…
Wife: No sweetheart… yesterday I got my
period, so I will go and make a cup of coffee for you…
After she left Akpos said: Damn I am so
horny, I will f*ck this robot…he tried
f*cking. The man started talking in a
metallic robotic way…
“SYSTEM ERROR…WRONG HOLE… SYSTEM
ERROR… WRONG HOLE…”
Akpos: Damn robot is not working
properly…I am throwing it out of the window…The man realized that he was on
the 20th floor and said…
“SOFTWARE UPDATED…PLEASE TRY AGAIN…..

laff...nice one

LWKMD...ROTFL

more

Lolz, nice one

MY MESSAGE TO BUHARI!!
‪Baba ‬If You Get There.
1) Dont come-up with 36-point agenda.
Just give us Light and security. Odas will fall in place
2) Reduce the costs for data bundles
3) Make Fashola a minister with 10
portfolios. He can handle it.
4) Baba, d number of fish in each tin of Titus
sardine used to be 8 in 1999. Please do something
about it.
4) shut all borders. Our jail candidates
must not be allowed to escape to Cotonou.
5) Don't Use 1billion Naira to Eat. No Be
Food We Say Make U Go Chop!
6) Please arrest dat lady that says your
call credit is low please recharge!
7) stop jumbo salary 4 d politicians & pay
dem like civil servant 2 discourage rogues
from our politics
don't use all our money to buy shoes and
private jets. use ur old military boots and okada if
necessary
9) let there be electricity, we don't want to be
hugging transformers
10) we want NTA to be clear like CNN,
BBC, Aljazeera and so on
YOURS SINCERELY,... All we want is ‪change.

All dis 4 buhari...lol!

Breaking News
Hy friends buhari has been court red
handed the police have recovered copies
of of ballot papers from the APC offices
in kano Kastina and kaduna. It was
reported that INEC sent some secret
committee to check on this diffrent
places which has very high numbers of
voters they went round this evening to 6
state to begin there investigation. And
they have recovered many ballot paper
up to 700,000 thousand plus in some
offices of the APC in this states and to
my almost surprise when the
pronounced president heard this he
broke down into tears again and after
some times he fainted and was taken to
the hosital in abuja where he Is now
receiving treatment and presently he is
living on oxygen. But my brothers and
sister let pray for nigeria today is april
first and let me tell you that all this are APRIL
F**l

Lolz

IN THIS NEW MONTH WE SHALL BE FAVOURED BEYOND WHAT WE DESERVED, IN GOD NAME! AMEN
HAPPY NEW MONTH
GOOD MORNING...

Amen

Very full

hehehehe

Its a new Month, and we really need a new prayer points......

Bi a se wonu Osu tuntun lo yi; Waa pe oruko Jesu nigba 21,

Waa wa pariwo tooo bii Eni ti Eegun nle loju Orun;

Waa so wipe;
Olorun BUHARI o;
Nibo l'oju re waa?
Nje agbara kan ha wa to nf'ara pamo jemi niya bii GOODLUCK?

Nje Ogun kan ha wa to nfi OYINBO buruku da ayee mi lamu bii PATIENCE?

Olorun Buhari o!
Eri Ipe taa fi pe JEGA o!
Oya lo owo agbara JEGA, koo gba ikolo mi pada...

ADURA!!!! ...lols....

Hum

Same here too

Did anyone notice this?

#‎NigeriaDecides‬
GMB won elections with total votes of (15,424,921)
While GEJ lost with total votes of (12,853,162)
Now see the Hand of GOD in this:
(1+5+4+2+4+9+2+1)= 28
(1+2+8+5+3+1+6+2)= 28

The total valid vote= 28 million plus
Can anyone define this?
And elections were held on March 28
I Love Naija ... God is Great.

TheWordNation...

Guy u ar gud, nice update

Ayusguy wrote:

Did anyone notice this?

#‎NigeriaDecides‬  
GMB won elections with total votes of (15,424,921)
While GEJ lost with total votes of (12,853,162)
Now see the Hand of GOD in this:
(1+5+4+2+4+9+2+1)= 28
(1+2+8+5+3+1+6+2)= 28

The total valid vote= 28 million plus
Can anyone define this?
And elections were held on March 28
I Love Naija ... God is Great.

TheWordNation...

dat's mysterious!

really

NA BY FORCE TO MARRY?

During a wedding reception; the groom was called upon to give his vote of thanks to his guests and this is what he came up with:

1. I want to first of all thank the Lord Almighty for creating my wife and to also thank the pastor and his wife for lending us their wedding rings.

2. Special appreciation to my landlord who lent us his car.

3. I am most grateful to my boss for... approving the loan I used for the wedding.

4. Big thanks to the committee of friends for the appeal fund they raised on my behalf.

5. Also to my brother's wife, thank you for lending us your wedding gown.

6. Am so grateful to the cake designer for the cake. I promised to return it tomorrow morning as agreed without cutting or eating out of it.

7. Special thanks to my friends who brought food from their homes to help me feed you all. Please for those who were served food good luck and for Those who didn't get any, well we will make it up to you during our child dedication ( hopefully next year).

8. Very big thanks to my parents for bringing the village cultural band to supply the music as well as entertain us all here, today.

9. Not forgetting the church marriage committee, thank you for persuading my wife to marry me.

10. Appreciation to the married men in the church for rushing me into this marriage.

11. The women are not left out, thanks a lot for teaching my wife how to dance.

12. To the youths, thank you for sweeping and decorating this venue with palm fronds.

13. I am also grateful to my teenage friends for helping with the Zobo drink

14. Appreciation to my co-tenants for contributing money for the cameraman

15. Well, I wish you all safe journey and I pray you don't experience what I suffered for this wedding.

Good Morning Peepz..