She doesn’t like condoms

Dear Julie,
My girlfriend doesn’t like condoms. She prefers sex naturally without any
artificiality. We have begun having sex recently. The first few times we did, we
used condoms. But she doesn’t feel good with it. She said she prefers to feel
me. Lately, we stopped using it. I always pull out before I come. Is this still
safe? Is it safe to re-enter after this? I will appreciate all the help. Thanks.
Efe, Warri
Dear Efe,
I want to understand the problem here. Is it sexually transmitted infections
(STIs), pregnancy, or both? In the case of STIs, the answer is a resounding NO!
Pulling out, or withdrawal, isn’t an effective method of STI prevention because
most disease-causing microorganisms don’t depend on ejaculation for
transmission. A condom will only help prevent the spread of STIs if you put it
on before sex and leave it on the entire time you are having sex.
If both of you have been tested before you started having sex with each other,
you may not be concerned about STIs. If you haven’t been tested you may
want to consider doing so.
As a primary means of pregnancy prevention, withdrawal has several
disadvantages. First, there’s the pre-ejaculatory fluid on which the withdrawal
method has no effect since it’s released well before you ejaculate. Pre-ejaculate
itself doesn’t contain sperm, however it may pick up sperm left in the urethra
from a previous ejaculation, and thus, re-inserting your penis after ejaculation
(outside of the vagina) does present a risk of pregnancy. Next, and what
perhaps has even more of an impact on the effectiveness of the method, is the
issue of consistency and self-control. Can you use the withdrawal method
correctly and consistently each time you have sex? If not, then you might want
to think about whether this method is right for you. Of course, you do have the
option of emergency contraception.
Withdrawal does have its advantages. It’s free and always available. Second,
no side effects are associated with this form of contraception. The estimated
failure rate for typical use is around 22 percent. When practiced perfectly, the
failure rate is estimated to be around 4 percent. This means 4 to 22 women out
of every 100 who use withdrawal as their contraceptive method get pregnant.
If you haven’t already, perhaps you and your girlfriend could talk about your
concerns and work toward reaching a mutual decision on what form of
contraception and/or safer sex you both want to use. Besides the issue of STIs,
it’s best to talk about how willing you are to risk having to deal with a
pregnancy and what either of you would do if a pregnancy occurred. Withdrawal
is definitely less effective than, say, the birth control pill. But, if both of you are
okay and comfortable with the risk involved, then you may decide that
withdrawal is a good method for the two of you. To make a decision like this,
it’s helpful to have as much information as possible.