Candida
You’ve served up a delicious meal crawling with every piece of his
favourite meat, plunk a bottle of wine or his favourite tipple on the
dining table, before cuddling up to him on the sofa as he switched on
the TV. Today is bound to be the night you get a bit of rumpy-bumpy,
right? Most women would quite rightly expect a passionate end to
such a satisfying evening. But these days, it seems, we’re likely to get
a lot less than we hoped for. Perhaps a peck on the cheek. Or simply
a hug. ‘Not tonight, love,” says this man you’ve virtually broken your
culinary skill trying to please. Before you know it, he’s hot -footed it
into the bedroom, already dozing off!
You
lie
there next to him, frustrated as you listen to his snores instead of the
music of the bed springs and the banging of the headboard.
Where has all the action gone? This shocking role reversal is
becoming common with men these days, and experts believe it might
get worse! According to Pauline, a relationship counsellor, “such
complaints were unheard of ten years ago. But today, almost half the
men I counsel claim that sex leaves them cold. Men used to come to
us at the clinic I work with, with impotence problems, but we now
have a lot of men who say, as women did in the sixties, ‘I can have
sex, but 1 don’t want to, it’s not rewarding.”
“These men tend to be in their 30s, 40s and even 50s and married.
They haven’t simply gone off their partners, but off sex altogether.This
is because a lot of men claim they’ve lost their sex drive. When you
ask them what’s going on in their lives, they may list six or seven
really big, stressful events. This kind of pressure will override desire
every time. Unfortunately, men rarely talk about their relationships, let
alone their problems. This could be due to a lack of balance in the
lives of our men.
“For instance, we have the longest working hours compared with a lot
of countries, which makes for a stressful life. Stress can build up -
eventually people find it impossible to switch off and relax. If a man
is still worrying about work when he should be getting in the mood,
sex simply isn’t going to happen. On top of which the current credit
crunch has made things worse and men need to talk more with their
partners so they’re aware of how they feel. But Beatrice, a middle-
aged caterer who runs a very successful afternoon ‘bukateria’ doesn’t
agree.
“Most men are too tired to have sex when they get home because
they’ve had their fill at work. If walls could talk, my restaurant would
have volumes to tell. Is it the ‘regular’ girls who bring in different
drooling men who would obviously have ‘deserts’ after the money
they’d shelled out for lunch? Or the drunken punters who bring in girls
uglier than their wives and brag of their ability to still pull in spite of
their age?
“A few weeks ago, a regular brought in a smashing looking girl almost
half his age and treated her to very expensive lunch. He was back
again in the evening for his ‘one-for -the-road’. When I jokingly asked
after his afternoon date, he said he’d rounded off lunch in his office
where he had a very comfortable couch - more discreet than being
caught sneaking out of a ‘slaughter house’! If a man like that get
home, even if the wife employed the services of the best chef, all he
could do would be to eat - the wife should forget any action. And
believe me, there are loads of them like that. If they don’t have
couches in the office, they resort to motels. They tell you the wives
are already in the net - they’re not going anywhere. It’s their wayward
catches they lust after to get value for money spent!’
I didn’t have any thoughts on her sarcasm - but she might have her
point. Anyway, in case you’re anxious on what to do to keep your man
active in the bedroom, the expert advises you should start by creating
time. “Your partner needs to schedule in some relaxation time for
himself and for you as a couple. So get out your diaries and make
some dates. It sounds clinical, but it may be just what’s required.
Once you’ve put these dates in your diary, stick to them no matter
what.
“Take the focus off sex. Instead spend time on your sensual
relationship. Start touching each other again but necessarily working
up to a sexual experience. Rather than just a glancing kiss on the way
out in the morning, hold each other for a while. Linger, don’t simply
pass by. Also remember to say: ‘You’re special’. You need to remind
each other that there’s more to your relationship than paying the bills.
“Don’t forget to communicate during the day. A friendly text every
now and then will start to reconnect you as a couple. Whilst you’re at
it, have some fun. There’s nothing sexier than laughing together and
having fun. Go to bed half an hour earlier, have a cuddle and unwind
in each other’s arms, talking about the day - or talking dirty.
Whichever turns you on!”
by ROTMANLUV 2023-07-08, 17:34
