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oscar4free2air Senior
Posts : 1365 Location : central 9ja
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 05:27 | |
| chai...dos guyz bad eehh....!!! | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 06:12 | |
| A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender."
The bartender follows the man's order and says, "That will be $42.50 please."
The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
The next night, the same drunk comes in and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again, the bartender follows the drunk's instructions and the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for everyone except the bartender.
The bartender says, "What, no drink for me?"
"Oh, no. You get violent when you drink." | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 06:19 | |
| Two drunks stumble out of a pub and are walking along the road. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here." | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 08:40 | |
| A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day." The guy says, "Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work. On my way to work I got in an accident. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife screwing my best friend." The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?" The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again." The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?" The guy says, "I said BAD DOG!" | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 08:46 | |
| A guy walks into a bar and shouts, "When I drink, everybody drinks!". Everybody is cheering him and applauding like crazy. Feeling great, he finishes his beer, asks for another one and shouts, "When I drink again, everybody drinks again!". Once again, everybody is cheering him, he is the hero of the bar. When he is done drinking, he pulls out his wallet and shouts, "When I pay, everybody pays!". | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 08:49 | |
| A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!" | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 08:52 | |
| "My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
"I got in a tiff with Riley."
"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised.
"He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."
"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"
"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's left tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!" | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 08:54 | |
| A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.
The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.
Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.
He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"
She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!" | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 08:56 | |
| Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't? A. A navel.
Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve? A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat? A. A Klondike Bar
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. Why don't women wear watches? A. There's a clock on the stove!
Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin? A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other? A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator? A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.
Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys? A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
Q. What's the difference between love and herpes? A. Love doesn't last forever.
Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? A. Call her and tell her.
Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it. A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Q. Why do women have small feet? A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q. Why do men die before their wives? A. They want to.
Q. How do men sort out their laundry? A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.
Q. What's the difference between a man and ET? A. ET phoned home.
Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet? A. It doesn't need cleaning.
Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear? A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.
Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock? A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses? A. Brothel sprouts.
Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman? A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties? A. Clitty litter
Q. I married Miss Right. A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself? A. He's smoking a cigarette.
Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? A. He worked it out with a pencil.
Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete? A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance? A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving
Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week? A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego... A. "Is it in?"
Q. What is the cheapest meat? A. Deer balls, there under a buck.
Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count? A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise? A. The captains log.
Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out? A. A lesbian with a hard-on.
Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:00 | |
| Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? A. Goes-in-tight! | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:02 | |
| Q. How do you know when you are getting old? A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:04 | |
| Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:07 | |
| Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:16 | |
| Q. Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ? A. Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins ! | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:20 | |
| Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common? A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:22 | |
| Q. What's the definition of trust? A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:25 | |
| Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra? A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:27 | |
| Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? A. They don't have time. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:29 | |
| Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg? A. They don't stop for directions. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:31 | |
| Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? A. He decided to stick it out for one more year! | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:34 | |
| Q. Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? A. The dog, once he's in, he shuts up! | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:38 | |
| Q. How do you know when your wife is really dead? A. Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:40 | |
| Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant A. Marry it. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:42 | |
| Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good? A. Give it a nipple. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:44 | |
| Q. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? A. Fur traders. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:46 | |
| Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A. A cherry float. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:48 | |
| Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:50 | |
| Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? A. When his hand caught on fire. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:52 | |
| Q. What�s better than a rose on your piano? A. Tulips on your organ. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:54 | |
| Q. What did Adam say to Eve? A. Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets! | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:56 | |
| Q. How do you get a nun pregnant? A. Dress her up as an alter boy | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 09:58 | |
| Q. Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks? A. Better traction. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:00 | |
| Q. What does parsley and pubic hair have in common? A. Push it aside and keep on eating... | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:02 | |
| Q. How do you say 69 in Chinese? A. Twocanchew (two can chew). | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:05 | |
| Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period? A. A bloody waste of fucking time. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:07 | |
| Q. Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat? A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:10 | |
| Q. What is the first sign of AIDS? A. A pounding sensation in the ass. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:12 | |
| Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? A. Gagged | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:14 | |
| Q. What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie? A. You can eat your mom's apple pie. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:16 | |
| Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton? A. Place to hang their air freshener. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:20 | |
| Q. Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls? A. They're going to call her Old Spice. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:36 | |
| Q. What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? A. One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:38 | |
| Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? A. Yell at her. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:40 | |
| Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:42 | |
| Q. What do women and police cars have in common? A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:44 | |
| Q. Why do female skydivers wear jock straps? A. So they don't whistle on the way down. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:46 | |
| Q. Why did the woman cross the road? A. Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen? | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:48 | |
| Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow? A. So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:50 | |
| Q. Why can't women read maps? A. Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile. | |
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bonchi Professional
Posts : 2394 Location : GREATER ACCRA
| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND 2012-03-31, 10:52 | |
| Q. What's a virgin and a balloon have in common ? A. All it takes is one prick and its all over. | |
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| Subject: Re: JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND | |
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| JOKES POND 2012 & BEYOND | |
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