I just ended my relationship with a man who is 15 years my senior. I have
struggled for over a year with his inability to commit to me and his still-going
relationship with his ex-wife. Due to his having an affair throughout their 14
year marriage, he has developed a relationship with her that is based on
dependence, guilt and obligation.
He spends holidays, many family occasions, and some vacations with her and
their college age children. It’s almost as if they are still married, yet he had
this intimate relationship with me which the children and ex-wife were aware
of.
Was it unrealistic for me to expect that I was to be an important relationship
in his life and to expect that he would respect my needs to be a priority? I
was respectful of his relationship with his children, but the way it was set up
was his ex-wife orchestrated the children’s lives and he just joined in as if
they were still an intact family. I had many a sleepless night over this
situation, until I could not stand to be the “other woman” any longer. Do you
have any thoughts or experience with this type of relationship?