LAUGH OF A THOUSAND DAY

First topic message reminder :

I attended a church service last
Sunday and
the Pastor asked us to pray
for our heart
desire. Normally I don't listen
to People when they pray in Church but, I did
last Sunday and
Words from one Sister's
Mouth
almost sent me into Coma.......
The Sister was seriously uttering these words;
*OH! Lord, Crash the plane of
my SINGLENESS,
Lord crash it!
*Consume me with the fire of
WEDLOCK. *Jehovah, ROAST ME! JAM me
with the Lorry of
HOLY MATRIMONY.
*Father detonate the
BOMB of ENGAGEMENT
in my life! *STAB me with a man of your
choice Lord.
*HANG my neck the BONE of
my BONES.
*IMPRISON my life with the
RIB of my RIBS. *SHOOT me with an AK47 of
True Love.
* Let the Trailer of Love Pull
me down
* Slap me with the Hand of
Love * HANDCUFF ME with my
Husband oh lord
* CHAIN my heart with My
husband
* ADD YOUR OWN
Abeg wetin be the Name of My Church?

Really 9ice

lolzzzzzzz

lolzzzzzzz

More please

BOY: Hey pretty girl
GIRL: Hi
BOY: I want to take you out.
GIRL: I have a boyfriend.
BOY: Too bad. I was thinking of taking you out on a vacation to London
GIRL: My boyfriend is dead!

#Good_Morning_Peepz

Nice 1

JOB WAHALA FOR NAIJA!!! A graduate in Biology from University of Benin was having difficulty in finding a job. He saw an advert in one of the daily newspapers for a job at a zoo. In the interview, the manager told him that their gorilla, which had been tourists attraction has died so they needed someone to dress up & pretend as gorilla. The graduate was embarrassed, but since the salary was OK, he accepted the job. The 1st day, he put on the gorilla skin & entered the cage, he started jumping up and down, beat his chest & roared like gorilla. The next day, he put on a gorilla skin & started moving around the zoo again & mistakenly entered another cage and found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared & rushed towards him. The scared graduate quickly forgot that he is a gorilla & started shouting like human, "Help! Help!" The lion leaped onto him,knocked him to the ground & whispered in his ear "sodiq" it's me lekan, ur course mate. Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs.

Roung post at roung thread

Hahahahahaha very gud

An Ijebu Engineer can't find a job, so he
opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET
TREATMENT FOR 20k - IF NOT CURED, GET
BACK 100k.
A self-believed smart Lawyer thinks this is a
great opportunity to earn 100k and goes to
the clinic...
LAWYER: "I have lost my sense of taste"
IJEBU MAN: "Nurse, bring medicine from box
No.22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth"
LAWYER: "Urgh... this is kerosene!!!"
IJEBU MAN: "Congrats, your sense of taste is
restored... Give me 20k"
The annoyed Lawyer goes back after a few
days with the intent of recovering his
money...
LAWYER: "I have lost my memory. I cannot
remember anything"
IJEBU MAN: "Nurse, bring medicine from box
No. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth"
LAWYER (annoyed): "This is kerosene! You
gave this to me last time for restoring my
taste"
IJEBU MAN: "Congrats. You got your memory
back... Give me 20k"
The fuming Lawyer pays him, and then
comes back a week later determined to get
back a 100k.
LAWYER: "My eyesight has become very
weak".
IJEBU MAN: "Well, I don't have any medicine
for that, so take this 100k"
LAWYER (staring at the cash): "But this is
20k,
not 100k"
IJEBU MAN: "Congrats, your eyesight is
restored. Give me 20k"
*ROTFL* *ROTFL* *ROTFL* *ROTFL* *ROTFL*
*ROTFL* *ROTFL* *ROTFL*
MORAL: You can't beat an Ijebu man. =-D
Have a Blessed and Fulfilled day.

nice one..... Lol

lolzzzzz

Akpos, a newly married couple brought a female house help from the
village to assist in keeping their home tidy so they would have time
for their careers and other more important things.One day, Akpos
decided to give his wife a surprise package. He molded a big heart(to
represent love) with the assistance of the house help, a project which
took almost the whole day. Madam came back and met the house
help sleeping and snoring:
MADAM: Will you get up now! Stupid girl! What have you been doing
since morning?
HOUSE HELP: Madam welcome. No vex abeg. Me and Oga dey make
love since morning. Na just now now we finish e say make I lie down
small.
Please what do you think happens next?

Teacher: If you had 5 apples in your plate and the boy next to you took two, what would you get...???
Mac: A fight.

Hahaha Lol

How can someone laugh up ro thousands

BAD DREAM IS THE SIGN OF SPIRITUAL ATTACKS,HAVING SEX ON DREAM OR SEEING YOURSELF IN PRIMARY AND SECONDARY SCHOOL WHERE YOU HAVE LEFT A LONG AGO ON DREAM IS VERY BAD,YOU ARE IN THE CITY AND SEEING YOURSELF IN THE VILLAGE OR BUSH,THIS TYPE OF DREAMS ARE VERY TERIBLE SIGN OF BACKWARDNESS NO MATTER HOW RICHES OR HOW WEALTH YOU ARE,TAKE NOTE OF THIS DONT LET IT OVERCOME YOU BEFORE IT LATE..CALL BABA AWOGBEMI NATIVE DOCTOR ON 08067194275 08067194275 FOR MORE AND HOW TO SOLVE...GOD IS THE CREATOR OF THE HEAVEN AND EARTH,THE CREATOR OF RIVERS,ANIMALS AND LEAVES ..HUMAN BEING ARE CREATED LAST AND WE ARE THE MOST WICKED ON EARTH ..I PRAYED TO GOD THAT ANY OF US WE NOT BE RE-CREATED BY THE WICKED HUMAN BEING AMEN ...IN ANY WAYS YOU ARE SUFFERING CALL BABA AWOGBEMI AWISE ON ... ....FOR ASSISTANT AND HEALING.......EVERYTHING GOD HAVE DONE IS VERY GREAT,BUT ENEMIES CHANGE THE GREATNESS IN HUMAN BEING AND TURN THE PERSON TO A RECKLESS PERSON..ANY POWER THAT WANT TO CHANGE YOUR GREATNESS WILL BE BURIED...FOR THOSE THAT HAVE SOME PROBLEMS..FINANCIALLY,HEATH,BUSINESS,PROMOTION,SPIRITUAL ATTACK OR YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR A POST FOR LONG TIME..COME NOW BY THE POWER OF GOD AND THE POWER OF ROOTS AND LEAVES IT SHALL BE WELL WITH YOU THANK YOU FOR READING CALL BABA AWOGBEMI NATIVE DOCTOR ON 08067194275 08067194275 08067194275 08067194275

Hunm

You try mr native dr.

ENGLISH PASS ENGLISH
A professor drove into a Petrol Station in his sleek state of the art range rover sports.

-Professor: Guy, abeg, give me full tank.

-Fuel Attendant: Sir, I don't speak pidgin, I only speak English.

- Professor: Ok! Good morning, I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propelling of my motorized automobile. Therefore i cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptable of the said means of
perambulation to the brim.
-Fuel Attendant: Oga na play i dey play o, how much fuel you wan buy?

I don lauf tired

hahahahaha, nice one

What is nice in this?

Hmmm

Then mayb sumtin is wrong sum wea, if it nt funny to u

Nic1

Abi nah

Happy ur self.

On phone
Teacher: You say Michael has a cold and cant come to school today? To whom am I speaking?

Voice: This is my father.

Nice one...hapi val

I ran into a mosque carrying a
brand new cutlass and asked,
"Who is a Muslim here?" The
whole
mosque went as silent as a
grave yard. I
asked again, "How can a full
mosque have
no Muslim?".
No one replied. Then I grabbed
the nearby
young man and went out with
him and told
him, "Come
and help me kill my ram for Ileya
because I don't
know how to do it". After the
young man
had killed the
ram, he told me that he didn't
know how to
skin it and that I should go back
to the
mosque and
get someone else to help me do
that. I
returned to the mosque with
the cutlass
dripping with blood. When the
Imam saw
me in the mosque with blood
dripping
from my cutlass, he immediately
shouted, "My Brothers in Christ,
praise thy
Lord o!". The whole mosque
responded,
"Halleluyah!!!

ME AND SMARTPHONE.

I saved my girlfriend's contact
with her real name on my phonebook but usually when i
pick her call i say "HI LOVE"....
.

So yesterday, i ran out of airtime
while talking to her, so i had to use my friend's phone to call her without his notice, when i
dialed
her number on his phone, it
displayed "MY LOVE". . . So i was
wondering how that
smartphone knew i was calling
her.
.
Smart phones are really smart ooo!!!
#lol

Girl: I have been thinking of you all evening.

Boy: We talked for an hour just few minutes ago,

Girl: Oh shit, did I call you again..

GoodMorning....

Lol

A little boy was ordered to
pray in d night prayer.
boy:: I Don't know how to pray...
Dad:: just pray 4 every thing u know in d
family and our neighbours.
boy::Mummy, pls, tell Daddy I cant pray.
Mummy:: shut up, if u don't pray u'll not eat
food in dis house.
Boy:: dad, tell sis to pray pls.
Dad:: my frd, pray b4 i slap u now.
Boy::'Dear Lord' he started..... ,
thank u for our visitors & their
children who come here to eat
our food, don't let them finish all our food.
From today, any
boy who beats or slaps me in school, help
me to slap them back. Forgive our driver
who i always see naked with my sis
wrestling on d bed. Pls, provide clothes to all
the naked ladies on my daddy's
phone. Don't let our house girl put her
mouth inside my daddy's mouth again. Pls,
provide shelter for all the men who sleep in
Mum's room any time dad travels. In Jesus
Name. Amen.
Nobody want to shout amen.
Every body regretted ever forcing him to
pray.
DESCRIBE THE BOY WITH ONE WORD

Wanted to use my ATM card but the machine kept on
rejecting the card. A frustrated me called my bank help line.

Me: (angrily) So what's wrong with my ATM card.

Call girl : Sir, I have checked your
account, everything
is alright here and You should be
able to use your
card, are you sure your card is
not damaged or broken?

Me: Are you insane? What are
you insinuating? No
one takes good care of their ATM
card like I do.

Call girl: Okay Sir, are you also sure the surface isn't
wet or stained with dirt?

Me: You dey mad? ATM card
wey I dey pet like egg. As a
matter of fact, I even laminated it
last week when I laminated my
Identity card.

#GoodNight....

Laminating of ATM card hahhahahahahahahahh

funny

Hungry and Broke
There were three men living
together in London. An Afro-
American, a West Indian and a
Nigerian. They were all starving
because they didn't have money
to buy food.
However upon coming close to
a posh London restaurant in
this classy neighbourhood, they
decided to come up with a plan.
The Afro-American went in first.
After being seated, he ordered a
three course meal with white
wine. When he had finished the
meal, the waiter came by with
the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I
ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the Afro-
American shouted! The waiter
was very confused because he
could not remember being paid.
But because he did not want to
cause any trouble, he let the
brother leave.
Five minutes later, the West
Indian walked into the same
restaurant and ordered a five
course meal with red wine.
When he was finished eating,
the waiter came by to collect the
money for the food. "HEY, HEY,
LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH
PAID YOU ALREADY!" - the West
Indian shouted. This time the
manager came and had to calm
down the West Indian, because
he did not want anything to
upset the other customers. He
let the guy go.
Ten minutes later, the Nigerian
walked in. And you know how
we are. He sat down. Lit up a
cigarette, and ordered the most
expensive meal on the menu,
plus two bottles of Beer. After
he had finished, the waiter
came to collect the money for
the meal, But before the
Nigerian could say anything, the
waiter spoke to him."Sir, I have
been having all sorts of
problems all day and I can't
understand it. Two other people
like you came in earlier and ate,
and they say that they paid me
but I don't remember getting
any money from them so, "
Before he could finish, the
Nigerian interrupted, rather
emphatically, "OGA I SORRY FOR
YOU OOOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR
PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO
GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!"

A corrupt local government chairman passed away and a new one was appointed to take his place.
When the replacement took charge, the citizens complained that the previous chairman was so corrupt that he got money sanctioned for a community center building, but used the money for himself instead of constructing the center. The new chairman promised to look into the matter and found that it was true.
So he promptly had more money sanctioned to get the building demolished.

Good one.............

My Girlfriend
by Ayusguy on
Mon,16/5/2016

One night, I was strolling with my girlfriend when a Range Rover S. packed beside us and wind down, he signalled to my girl to come but she turned and looked at me and I being a gentle man nodded in agreement for her to go, after all, I trusted her completely. After few minutes of conversation which I couldn't hear, I saw my girlfriend opened the door and entered. I was shocked! I went to them and said, "Wha's the meaning of this?!"They just sat in the car looking at me as if Iwas an idiot.I became angrier when I saw the stupid guy laughing at me, I shouted at my girl and ordered her to come down from the car at once. She shrugged and calmly said, "Please Ayusguy, stop embarrassing yourself! Go home and I will send you recharge card later."I didn't know when I fainted!
#GoodNight.......

Gbenga Adeboye told us about
one white man that came for
tourism in Abeokuta during the
Masquerade festival. As he was
taking the Oyinbo man round the
town, they came across a magical
masquerade who was
performing on the street. His
drummers were eulogising him
as follows:You can't do like your
father Or can you do like your
father? If you can do like your
father Use your head to dance
(the masquerade then used his
head to dance and everyone
hailed him) If you can do like
your father Do many acrobatic
display in a jiffy (he did more
than enough, everyone was
shouting and hailing him) But
the drummers will not let go....
"If you can do like your father, let
someone bring out his gun and
shoot you and you must not
die...."
Then someone came out from
the crowd with his long gun and
directed towards the
masquerade.... the masquerade
was unperturbed. Everyone was
shouting "shoot shoot", the
masquerade too said
"shoot me shoot me" and
gbuaaaa!!! Gunshot but the
masquerade didn't fall down, he
kept dancing and then another
one TAKOOOOO.....!!!! The
masquerade still didn't fall but
kept dancing......The singers and
drummers kept hailing him in 9s
and 10s.....
"We shouldn't envy a child
because he resembles his father,
this masquerade resembles his
father too much..... we shouldn't
envy a child because he
resembles his father...."
The white man became so
excited!
"Oh I love Africa..... This is
beautiful...." and suddenly, the
white man brought out his own
pistol too to test the
masquerade... he was going
towards the direction of the
masquerade, everyone was
hailing the masquerade and
urging the oyinbo to shoot!
On sighting the Oyinbo man, the
masquerade quickly called his
coordinator asking him quietly in
his usual deep voice
"Atokun kilo nsele? This
whiteman is a member of our
team ni???"...... the coordinator
said no. Then the masquerade
told him
"And you are watching him to
shoot me with a real gun? Na
sango kill you? No let am shoot
me o"
While the conversation was on,
the drummers kept drumming:
"Do it, that is what a man does.
Do it. Do like your father..."
The masquerade then turned to
the drummers
"e no wan better for una ni?
Have your ever seen oyinbo
shoot my father before? E ya
were ni..?"
Then Adeboye moved in and
went to the masquerade saying
"but you're from heaven now,
why are you afraid of oyinbo
gun. Patapata you go back
home"
The masquerade quickly
appealed to Adeboye....
"Haba Buoda Gbenga, you don't
know me again for Adatan.... na
me be Ifakorede the son of
Egunleti for Adatan.....I'm not
from heaven o! Tell your friend
not to shoot me o, na beg I dey
beg una o. The man wey shoot
the other time na band member
o, we don rehearse for house o,
na only etu dey hin gun no be
bullet o, my children are young
o...."!!!!.
Lol......

"""BRAIN TEASER"""
98% of the people in the world couldn't solve it.

Facts:
1. There are 5 houses (along a street) in 5 different colors: blue, green, red, white
and yellow.

2. In each house lives a person of a different nationality:
Brit, Dane, German,
Norwegian and Swede.

3. These 5 owners
drink a certain beverage: beer, coffee, milk, tea and
water;
smoke a certain brand of cigar: Blue Master, Dunhill,
Pall Mall, Prince and blend; and keep a certain pet: cat, bird, dog, fish and
horse.
4. No owners have the same pet,
smoke the same brand of cigar,
or drink the same beverage.

Hints:
1. The Brit lives in a red house.
2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Dane drinks tea.
4. The green house is on the left
of the white house (next to it).
5. The green house owner drinks coffee.
6. The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
7. The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8. The man living in the house right
in the center drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The man who smokes blend
lives next to the one who keeps cats.
11. The man who keeps horses
lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
12. The owner who smokes Blue Master drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The man who smokes blend
has a neighbor who drinks water.

The question is: Who keeps ''Fish?..