Akpos D Comedian

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A Dedicated thread for Akpos d Comedian.......


Let Have Fun.......................







Fynnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy akpos caught uploading pix on fb

Akpos who has no wife, no
child, no money, no home, a blind
mother, infact very very poor.
But oneday he saw a magician
who promised to grant him only
one wish.
Magician : Tell me one thing u
wish, and i will do it for u right
now.
Akpos: ok, no problem, I have
only one wish, I want my mother
to see my wife caring two of my
kids in my hummer jeep parked
in one of my new mansion’s
compound situated next to the
swimming pool at london city.
The magician fainted.

One sunday, an armed robery gang went entered a church and forced the Ushers to close all doors and windows. They told the congregation that they are going to kill everyone but in alphabetical order,
they aproached the REV and asked of his name
REV; my name is Zakaria Smith.
They aproached the Pianist and asked of his name; Pianist; Im also called Zakaria Zack. The pianist out of fear pointed to the deacon and told the robers, this man is called Abraham Akpos.
The deacon shouted؛‎ Eiii! He is a lier, my name is Zabraham Zakpos
(what will be your name if you where at the church?)

Akpos and his son had a misunderstanding
and dis was dia conversation
AKPOS: i am nt even sure if u are my real son
SON: dad pls dnt say such a thing dad ''with a
sad face''
AKPOS: now get into the car we are going to
d hospital 4 a test to confirm if u are my real
son.
On their way to d hospital the boy phone
ring's
SON: hello who is dis?
CALLER: congratulation u just won 20 million
naira on mtn 1trillion mega splash raffle-draw
SON: u mean i just won 20 million naira?
The dad hears dis and takes a U turn
SON: aren't we going to d hospital anymore?
AKPOS: son are u blind dat u can't see dat we
so much alike,ur eyes are like mine,ur nostrils
are like mine so what do we need hospital
for? so smile 4 daddy.

money palava

Na so

lol

Akpos boarded a bus in lagos with a pretty girl sitting close to him. A young man wanted to light a cigarette in the bus. Akpos: What is wrong with you young man, why would you light a cigarette in this bus? Do you want to kill this pretty girl here. YOUNG MAN: Sorry sir...he put off the light. After a long time in the traffic without movement, the pretty girl stretched with her hands in the air and a serious odour came out from her armpit. Immediately Akpos says to the young man. Akpos: Light the cigarette YOUNG MAN: Sir? Akpos: Are u deaf? I say light the cigarette YOUNG MAN: Ok sir. [He lit d cigarette] Akpos: Blow it to my nose, bloooow it!!! YOUNG MAN: Yes sir. Akpos: It is better to die this way than to die that way.

Akpos: I am dreamin to be rich
just like my father.
Teaher: " Is ur father rich?
Akpos: No, he's dreaming Too
*****************************
PRINCIPAL: Akpos your result was
very poor and disgraceful.
What's even your favourite
subject?
AKPOS: Free period.
*************** ­
***************
Akpos: I wish I had been born
4000 years ago!
Teacher: Why?
Akpos: I would not have to learn
too much history
***************
***************
Akpos: I can't marry u, my family
members refused..
Ekaette: Who're those trying to
stop our
love?.
Akpos: My wife & 5 kids.

Akpos Apkos Akpos

Pastor: There's a man here...
Akpors: (shouts 4m d crowd) It is
me!
Pastor: I repeat, There's a man
here..
Akpors: (shouts from d crowd) it
is me and
my family.
Pastor: I say there's a man Here..
Akpors: (shouts from d crowd) it
is me
ooooooh!!!
Pastor: They have been sucking
your blood
for 5yrs now.
Akpors: Ah!!! no be me ooooh...

Na Akpos hehehheehehhehehehehe,

Isaac Nana Kofi Asenso wrote:

One sunday, an armed robery gang went entered a church and forced the Ushers to close all doors and windows. They told the congregation that they are going to kill everyone but in alphabetical order,
they aproached the REV and asked of his name
REV; my name is Zakaria Smith.
They aproached the Pianist and asked of his name; Pianist; Im also called Zakaria Zack. The pianist out of fear pointed to the deacon and told the robers, this man is called Abraham Akpos.
The deacon shouted؛‎ Eiii! He is a lier, my name is Zabraham Zakpos
(what will be your name if you where at the church?)

my name will be zzutah zzuriah.

Ashawo wrote:

Akpos gets married and on his wedding night he calls his
father for some tips on what to do (because he has
never been with a woman before).
AKPOS: so what do i do first? AKPOS' FATHER: take
her clothes off and lay her on the bed.
Two minutes later Akpos on the phone again "she is
naked and in bed, what do I do now!"
His father can't believe what he is hearing. AKPOS'
FATHER: take your damn clothes off and get into bed
with her After another two minutes poor Akpos is on
the phone again.
AKPOS: dad I'm naked and in bed with her, what do I do
now? His dad's patience is now running thin so he says,
"shit son, do I have to spell everything out for you?
Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees
Good night!"
Just when the old man starts snoring, Akpos is on the
phone again.
AKPOS: ok dad, i have my head in the toilet bowl what
do i do next?
AKPOS' FATHER: DROWN YOURSELF YOU BLOODY
IDIOT!

Can't help myself from laughing

Two guys, Akpos & Ochuko
were talking at a bar.
Akpos: My dad is a doctor.
Ochuko: Wow, my dad is a
doctor too!
Akpos: I'm 24 years old and u?
Ochuko: I can't believe this, l am
24 years old
too
Akpos: I have a sister called
Linda
Ochuko: I can't believe dis! My
sister's name is Linda too!
Akpos: We lived down d street
Ochuko: I can't believe
what l'm hearing from u, we
lived down d street too
Akpos: Don't tell me we've met
b4
Ochuko: Same here, l wonder
too.
They both hugged each other.
Waiter to barman: What's
wrong with this 2 guys?
Barman: Don't mind those guys,
they are twins living down the
street, but they are totally
drunk now!

Teacher: akpors if u boil one egg
in 5 minutes then how many
minutes will it take u to boil 5
eggs?
akpors: 25 minutes
teacher: how come, pls explain?
Akpors:after boilin one egg for 5
minutes then i will put the pot
down, remove the boiled egg
then add another one and boil it
for another 5
minutes...
I will repeat the process till i boil
the 5 eggs..which
will give me 25 minutes.
Ha its very easy na..all u need is to
have enough kerosine
Lol

A street guy, Akpors
took a
prostitute to the hotel.
While making love to
her,
the lady suddenly went
limp and lifeless. While
the
confused Akpors was
still
trying to understand
what's happening, the
girl's
phone rang and he
picked
it up. Here's the
conversation between
him
and a male voice from
the
other end of the line:
Voice: Guy, you're in
trouble! That girl you
just
rapped to death is the
IG's
daughter.
Akpors: but I didn't rape
her. I paid her for
service
rendered.
Voice: tell that to the
police.
Akpors: so what do u
want
me to do. I can't afford
to
go to prison.
Voice: pay me 50k and I
will handle the rest. We
could go to the nearest
AtM
machine if u don't have
d
cash on u. I'm a patient
businessman.
Akpors: look, I'm a
businessman too. I
know a
ritualist who will pay
1million naira for a fresh
corpse like this one. We
can
share it 50/50. Give me
a
minute to call him.
The prostitute suddenly
jumped up from the bed
shouting, "na your
mama
dem go take do ritual,
oloshi oloriburuku", as
she
ran out of the hotel
stark
naked..

Fishegg45 wrote:

A street guy, Akpors
took a
prostitute to the hotel.
While making love to
her,
the lady suddenly went
limp and lifeless. While
the
confused Akpors was
still
trying to understand
what's happening, the
girl's
phone rang and he
picked
it up. Here's the
conversation between
him
and a male voice from
the
other end of the line:
Voice: Guy, you're in
trouble! That girl you
just
rapped to death is the
IG's
daughter.
Akpors: but I didn't rape
her. I paid her for
service
rendered.
Voice: tell that to the
police.
Akpors: so what do u
want
me to do. I can't afford
to
go to prison.
Voice: pay me 50k and I
will handle the rest. We
could go to the nearest
AtM
machine if u don't have
d
cash on u. I'm a patient
businessman.
Akpors: look, I'm a
businessman too. I
know a
ritualist who will pay
1million naira for a fresh
corpse like this one. We
can
share it 50/50. Give me
a
minute to call him.
The prostitute suddenly
jumped up from the bed
shouting, "na your
mama
dem go take do ritual,
oloshi oloriburuku", as
she
ran out of the hotel
stark
naked..

...lol..she for w8 for 50k na...

Nice one bro

For a long time Akpos has been battling with a leak in his roof. One night there was a very heavy down pour, he had to move from one corner of his house to the other to avoid drops from his roof. This made him have sleepless night.

The next morning he decided to fix his roof, after scouting for ladder in his neighbourhood, he tried to climb to the roof. Climbing wasn't easy, he panted and sweated but successfully climbed to the roof, as he was about to fix the damage, he heard a knock on his door. He yelled from the top of his voice; "who is that?" A tattered looking beggar showed up at the ground and said, "excuse me, can I see u?" Akpos asked "what is it you want to tell me?" The beggar said,"just spare me one minute".

Akpos climbed back to the ground, looking tired and asked "what can I do for you?" The beggar said "can u give me N20?" Akpos thought for a while and said "FOLLOW ME".

The two of them started climbing to the roof top, panting and gasping for breath, they got to the roof, after panting for one minute Akpos turned to the beggar and said "I DON'T HAVE"

Apology Letter from a hospital to a Patient (Akpos)...

"Dear Akpos, we have good news! Lab results confirmed that the red rashes around your penis was not Cancer, it was lipstick, we apologize for cutting it off" Akpos fainted.

Na wahala

dat is medicine after death

sunnydevess wrote:

Apology Letter from a hospital to a Patient (Akpos)...

"Dear Akpos, we have good news! Lab results confirmed that the red rashes around your penis was not Cancer, it was lipstick, we apologize for cutting it off" Akpos fainted.

very funny

GOOD JOB FISH, YOU ALWAYS MAKE MY DAY ON THIS FORUM. KEEP IT UP, I THINK I HAVE TO ADD A LITTLE TO YOUR JOKES.

Make he claim #100million for damages.

Fishegg45 wrote:

A street guy, Akpors
took a
prostitute to the hotel.
While making love to
her,
the lady suddenly went
limp and lifeless. While
the
confused Akpors was
still
trying to understand
what's happening, the
girl's
phone rang and he
picked
it up. Here's the
conversation between
him
and a male voice from
the
other end of the line:
Voice: Guy, you're in
trouble! That girl you
just
rapped to death is the
IG's
daughter.
Akpors: but I didn't rape
her. I paid her for
service
rendered.
Voice: tell that to the
police.
Akpors: so what do u
want
me to do. I can't afford
to
go to prison.
Voice: pay me 50k and I
will handle the rest. We
could go to the nearest
AtM
machine if u don't have
d
cash on u. I'm a patient
businessman.
Akpors: look, I'm a
businessman too. I
know a
ritualist who will pay
1million naira for a fresh
corpse like this one. We
can
share it 50/50. Give me
a
minute to call him.
The prostitute suddenly
jumped up from the bed
shouting, "na your
mama
dem go take do ritual,
oloshi oloriburuku", as
she
ran out of the hotel
stark
naked..

akpos omo ibo to sure

akpos nah confirm 3 direct

More joke pls.

Father-In-Law: Young man, u’re
coming to seek my daughter’s
hand in marriage and u’re
chewing gum. That’s a sign of
disrespect!

Akpos: Sir, I only chew gum
whenever I drink or smoke.

Father-In-Law: You mean u drink&
smoke and u’re here to seek my
daughter’s hand in marriage?

Akpos: Sir I only drink & smoke
when I go to the club.

Father-In-Law: U club too?

Akpos: I’m sorry sir, I started
clubbing when I came out of
prison.

Father-In-Law: U’ve also been in
prison before? Oh my God!

Akpos: Sorry sir, I went to jail
when I killed somebody!!

Father-In-Law: What!!! U’re akiller

Akpos: Sir, it happened out of
anger. It was a certain man that
didn’t allow me marry his
daughter so I killed him.

Father-In-Law: U are highly
welcome my son. U are on the
right track.

U’reabsolutely the
right man for my daughter...

A teacher asked Akpos if he should ask him one difficult question or two simple question,

"one difficult question sir", Akpos answered".

TEACHER: How many stars did you see last night?
AKPOS: 5000 stars, sir.
TEACHER: How did you know they were 5000?
AKPOS: Sir, you are already asking me the second question!

Haha akpor o o o

Death came To a Akpors and said
“my friend Akpors today is your
day”.
Akpors said “but i am not ready”
Death said, “well you are next on
my list.”
so Akpors tried to plead with
death but
it Refused,
“Ok why dont u take a sit while I
get you something to eat before
we go.?”
Death said “alright then.” Imagine
Akpors gave death some food and
had a wicked thought of adding
poison on it, but said to Himself,
‘since it is Death, poison won’t
have any effect on it,’ so he added
some sleeping pills in it.
Death finished eating and fell
asleep, when asleep, Akpors took
the Death list, Rubbed his name
from top of the list and Wrote it at
the bottom of the list.

when Death
woke up he said to Akpors,
“Because you have been so nice
to Me with much hospitality that I
even Fell asleep,
♥
I wil start the LIST FROM THE
BOTTOM!!”
#akpors Fainted#

hahahaha.......i no fit laugh ooooo. Long tym bro

Suny11 wrote:

Death came To a Akpors and said
“my friend Akpors today is your
day”.
Akpors said “but i am not ready”
Death said, “well you are next on
my list.”
so Akpors tried to plead with
death but
it Refused,
“Ok why dont u take a sit while I
get you something to eat before
we go.?”
Death said “alright then.” Imagine
Akpors gave death some food and
had a wicked thought of adding
poison on it, but said to Himself,
‘since it is Death, poison won’t
have any effect on it,’ so he added
some sleeping pills in it.
Death finished eating and fell
asleep, when asleep, Akpors took
the Death list, Rubbed his name
from top of the list and Wrote it at
the bottom of the list.

when Death
woke up he said to Akpors,
“Because you have been so nice
to Me with much hospitality that I
even Fell asleep,
♥
I wil start the LIST FROM THE
BOTTOM!!”
#akpors Fainted#

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahah GMAILER help me laugh ow

Akpos: Fishegg this MTN people are eating our money too much o. Fishegg: The stealing is too much, i can't continue. Akpos: We will start using pigeon to communicate. You will put your message in the pigeon's leg and send it. Fishegg: Akpos, your head is there. That's what we would do. The Next day Akpos sends his pigeon to Fishegg. Fishegg checks the pigeon and did not find any message. He then goes to Akpos house. Fishegg: Yaay man, why did you send me pigeon with no message. Akpos: Chairman, that was a missed call.

bola_yeni wrote:

hahahaha.......i no fit laugh ooooo. Long tym bro

yes bro true how have you been?

Akpos stuck his head into a
barber's shop and asked,
"How long before I can get a
haircut?" The barber looked
around the shop full of customers
and said, "About 2 hours." Akpos
left.
A few days later, Akpos again
stuck his head in the door and
asked, "How long before I can get
a haircut?" The barber looked
around at the shop and
said, "About 3 hours." Akpos left.
A week later, Akpos still stuck his
head in the shop
and asked, "How long before I can
get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the
shop and said, "About
an hour only." Akpos left.
The barber turned to a friend and
said, "Please do me a favor, follow
that guy and see where he goes.
He keeps asking how long he has
to wait
for a haircut, but then he doesn't
ever come back".
A little while later, The friend
returned to the shop. The
barber asked, "So where does
that guy go whenever
he leaves here?" The friend looked
up, with laughter and said, "To
your wife at home."
#One word for Akpos.

Suny11 wrote:

bola_yeni wrote:

hahahaha.......i no fit laugh ooooo. Long tym bro

yes bro true how have you been?

cool bro.

Suny11 wrote:

Akpos stuck his head into a
barber's shop and asked,
"How long before I can get a
haircut?" The barber looked
around the shop full of customers
and said, "About 2 hours." Akpos
left.
A few days later, Akpos again
stuck his head in the door and
asked, "How long before I can get
a haircut?" The barber looked
around at the shop and
said, "About 3 hours." Akpos left.
A week later, Akpos still stuck his
head in the shop
and asked, "How long before I can
get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the
shop and said, "About
an hour only." Akpos left.
The barber turned to a friend and
said, "Please do me a favor, follow
that guy and see where he goes.
He keeps asking how long he has
to wait
for a haircut, but then he doesn't
ever come back".
A little while later, The friend
returned to the shop. The
barber asked, "So where does
that guy go whenever
he leaves here?" The friend looked
up, with laughter and said, "To
your wife at home."
#One word for Akpos.

Hahahahahahahhahhahahahaha LWKMD!

Akpos, the houseboy entered his madam's room without knocking...
MADAM: Akpos, this is wrong, what if I was naked or dressing up?
APKOS: That can never happen Madam. I always peep first and if you are naked, I'll just wait small... I Keep looking until you finish dressing before I enter!

SMART AKPORS!

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