Akpos D Comedian

First topic message reminder :

A Dedicated thread for Akpos d Comedian.......


Let Have Fun.......................







Fynnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy akpos caught uploading pix on fb

TEN YRS SMALL, D GUY SUPPOSED DEY YABA PHYCHA OR ARO TILL HE DIE!

Akpos the engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

Akpos takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.

The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!"

Again Akpos takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?"

Akpos says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

Fishegg45 wrote:

Akpors was sun bathing at the beach. Alittle girl comes to him, he covers his private parts with a newspaper. The little girl asks, 'Whats under there?' A bird' Akpors replied, The girl goes away and Akpors later fell asleep. When he wakes up, he finds himself in a hospital bed, and he was in a great pain. A doctor came up to his bed and asks,'What happened?' Akpors answerd, 'I don't know. I was at the beach and fell asleep after talking to a little girl' So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they went to the beach to find any witnesses. When they got there, they saw the little girl AkpOrs talked about. So they asked her if she sawanything that happend to Akpors, She answers, 'I nOO, Just that when he was sleeping, and I played with his bird, After a while, it spat at me, so i gat angry n broke its neck, burnt its nest, and smashed all its EGGs

THIS IS D FUNNIEST JOKE I'VE EVER READ

A Lady asked her boyfriend "Akpos " how much do you love me?

Akpos: I love you so much, can't measure.......

Girl: No just tell me....

Akpos: Okay I am like a phone and you are my sim card, there's no me without you......

Girl: aaaaaawww that is so romantic .......

(Akpos says 2 himself) see mumu !! What if I'm a china phone wit 3 sims?

Akpos no dey carry last ow! The guy get brain baje!

am jst busy dz dayz. More jokez loadin

What is difficult in copy and paste? Nah which kind busy be that?

lolz, c ur mouth wit copy n paste, u gv me any joke mak i copy n paste 4u? 2form joke nt easy ok. I dnt do copy n paste

Non of these Akpos stories belong to you my bros! I have read all the akpos stories on this thread before bro. No be you created them. Whoever that is using BB would attest to this fact. Or can you swear to AMADIOHA to strike you to death, if these stories belong to you? I don tell you no dey form again! Copy any of the jokes to your google machine and see result. Majority of it is on facebook. Abegi soft pedal ow! Anyway, to copy and paste sef no easy! You try small sha! Keep it up!

Gmailer wrote:

Non of these Akpos stories belong to you my bros! I have read all the akpos stories on this thread before bro. No be you created them. Whoever that is using BB would attest to this fact. Or can you swear to AMADIOHA to strike you to death, if these stories belong to you? I don tell you no dey form again! Copy any of the jokes to your google machine and see result. Majority of it is on facebook. Abegi soft pedal ow! Anyway, to copy and paste sef no easy! You try small sha! Keep it up!

abeg no invoke AMADIOHA here abeg o , nna biko nnu

http://www.tooloaded.com/forum/showtopic.php?currentpage=6&id=625

Gmailer wrote:

http://www.tooloaded.com/forum/showtopic.php?currentpage=6&id=625

ah

https://m.facebook.com/477406595639537/timeline/story?ut=2&hash=7669282332605388041&wstart=1359705600&wend=1362124799&ustart&refid=17
@Fishegg45...... Just to let you know that these jokes aren't yours! Just copy any of these jokes and paste it in your google machine. Like I said before, good job.

Fishegg45 wrote:

lolz, c ur mouth wit copy n paste, u gv me any joke mak i copy n paste 4u? 2form joke nt easy ok. I dnt do copy n paste

After all these strong evidence against you, I hope you can do the needful, and apologize to the whole house for wanting to play on its intelligence. Having said, you don't do copy and paste, and it was evidently obvious you did, you are nothing but a pathological liar, and bible says; all liars shall go to hell! Unreservedly apology is hereby demanded from you, to the whole house, without which you shall be sentenced to Syria.

Hmmm

@GMAILER,LET FISHEGG BE! HOW WOULD U FEEL IF SOME GUY IN D FORUM FOLLOWS U 4M THREAD 2 THREAD COUNTERING EVERY POST U CONTRIBUTE? THIS GUY HAS BEEN AVOIDING ANY CONFRONTATION WITH U.
EVEN IF HE COPY & PASTE, IS IT NOT 2 MAKE D APKOS THREAD MAINTAIN IT'S FUN & RELEVANCE AS D THREAD WHERE WE ALL GO 2 LET OUT STEAM?
PLS MY BROTHER I BEG U 2 SHEATH UR SWORD AND LET PEACE REIGN BETWEEN U & FISHEGG. WE'RE LOOKING 2WARDS U GUYS, SO SET A GOOD EXAMPLE.

@GMAILER,LET FISHEGG BE! HOW WOULD U FEEL IF SOME GUY IN D FORUM FOLLOWS U 4M THREAD 2 THREAD COUNTERING EVERY POST U CONTRIBUTE? THIS GUY HAS BEEN AVOIDING ANY CONFRONTATION WITH U.
EVEN IF HE COPY & PASTE, IS IT NOT 2 MAKE D APKOS THREAD MAINTAIN IT'S FUN & RELEVANCE AS D THREAD WHERE WE ALL GO 2 LET OUT STEAM? EVEN PROFESSIONAL STAND-UP COMEDIANS USE OTHER COMEDIANS JOKES @ FUNCTIONS & EVENTS, DESPITE COLLECTING HUGE PERFORMANCE FEE...HOW MUCH MORE FISHEGG THAT'S TRYING 2 MAKE US LAUGH WITHOUT COLLECTING A DIME.
PLS MY BROTHER I BEG U 2 SHEATH UR SWORDS AND LET PEACE REIGN BETWEEN U & FISHEGG. WE'RE LOOKING 2WARDS U GUYS, SO SET A GOOD EXAMPLE.

@Scofield...... Who tell you sey I dey counter Fishy? Fishy is my paddy and all these nah joke! Abegi don't fuel non issue here ow

Gmailer wrote:

@Scofield...... Who tell you sey I dey counter Fishy? Fishy is my paddy and all these nah joke! Abegi don't fuel non issue here ow

I HOPE SO OOO...U KNOW SAY WE OUT HERE WON'T SEE IT THAT WAY. ABEG MELLOW DOWN D TONE O. I DON'T KNOW HE'S UR PADDY, I WAS JUST TRYING 2 STOP WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A BREWING GULF WAR - BCOS IF ANYONE OF U GOT ANGRY AND LEAVE, WE'VE LOST A MASSIVE STORAGE OF KNOWLEDGE,
SINCE U SAID NO PROBLEN I'VE HEAVED A SIGH OF RELIEF. LET'S ENJOY D LONG WEEKEND FISHEGG,GMAILER & EVERY OTHER CONTRIBUTOR 2 THIS GREAT SITE-9JATC.COM

3 friends raped their village kings daughter, they were caught and d king directed them 2 go into d forest and bring any fruit as much as their hands could carry. As dis will serve as a punishment for raping his daughter.
The first 1 came back wit 3 bananas. D king asked his guards 2 insert all 3 bananas in his ass.
The 2nd guy came wit 5 oranges, on inserting d 5th orange, he started laughing out loud 2 d point tears rolled down his face.
(Strange, d king nd his guards surprised, asked Him)"young man, why are u laughing instead of crying in pain?"
He pointed 2 d 3rd guy,"see my friend, Akpors, coming with 20 coconuts...

Chai akpos4real u don suffer so na u go carry 20 coco....

OH AKPORS!!!

Teacher: Who is the president of Nigeria?

Akpors: I don't know madam.

Teacher: U need to focus more on your studies.

Akpors: Please madam, can I ask u a few questions.

Teacher: Yes, go ahead.

Akpors: Do u know Rita?

Teacher: No.

Akpors: Do u know Joy?

Teacher: No.

Akpors: Do u know Kate?

Teacher: (Angry) Hell no! Who are all these people and why do u ask?

Akpors: You need to focus more on your husband.
Ave a 9ce weekend

akpos4real wrote:

3 friends raped their village kings daughter, they were caught and d king directed them 2 go into d forest and bring any fruit as much as their hands could carry. As dis will serve as a punishment for raping his daughter.
The first 1 came back wit 3 bananas. D king asked his guards 2 insert all 3 bananas in his ass.
The 2nd guy came wit 5 oranges, on inserting d 5th orange, he started laughing out loud 2 d point tears rolled down his face.
(Strange, d king nd his guards surprised, asked Him)"young man, why are u laughing instead of crying in pain?"
He pointed 2 d 3rd guy,"see my friend, Akpors, coming with 20 coconuts...

hahahahahaha LWKMD!

helnkay wrote:

OH AKPORS!!!

Teacher: Who is the president of Nigeria?

Akpors: I don't know madam.

Teacher: U need to focus more on your studies.

Akpors: Please madam, can I ask u a few questions.

Teacher: Yes, go ahead.

Akpors: Do u know Rita?

Teacher: No.

Akpors: Do u know Joy?

Teacher: No.

Akpors: Do u know Kate?

Teacher: (Angry) Hell no! Who are all these people and why do u ask?

Akpors: You need to focus more on your husband.
Ave a 9ce weekend

This Akpors has a brain tumor

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her
9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom
cupboard to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in
there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "20k"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in
the cupboard together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have football boots."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "35k"
Man - "Sold."

A few days later, the boys father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and
football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer. The boy says, "I
can't, I sold my ball and boots." The father asks, "How much did you sell
them for?"
Boy -"55k"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That
is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and
make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."

"Father Akpos" the priest says, "Don't start that shit again. You're in my cupboard now"

Gmailer wrote:

@Scofield...... Who tell you sey I dey counter Fishy? Fishy is my paddy and all these nah joke! Abegi don't fuel non issue here ow

No mind Gmailer, d guy 2dy Jealouz of me.. Am watchn him

Some group of town mobs dealt
with Gmailer
mercilessly and retrieved their
items after he
was caught stealing and dey left
him
groaning in pains.
A man got back from the crowd
and gave
Gmailer a final dirty hot slap on
his
face.
A few weeks later the man who
gave Gmailer
the final slap was on a ladder
painting a
house that was close to Gmailer
own.
Gmailer came out and suddenly
caught a
glimpse of him,.
He walked up to him and the
following
dialogue ensued:
Gmailer: good day sir
Man: boy, hw are u doing?
Gmailer: am fine sir, eh sir, do u
remember the
thief u slapped last time?
Man: oh oh yes, i do and i will do
it again if i
have the opportunity.
Gmailer: Eh, infact, am d one you
gave dat
bombastic slap sir, and for ur
information,
this ladder u are standing upon
is my ladder,
sir dnt get down oh, just find a
place to
hang , so dat i will take my ladder
away.

Fisheggs na u do am

Akpos:"dady what is difference between confidence & secret"?

Papa Akpos:" u r my son that is confidence .

ur friend is also is my son that is secret

Akpos phoned his lawyers office,


The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week." The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer.
By this time the receptionist is getting annoyed and replies, "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"

Akpos responds, "Because I just love hearing it."

fishegg hammer on you oh! Na me be theif abi? No wahala

One Rainy Night, 007 was
walking down a Muddy
road, when a Slow moving car
came and stopped
near Him,
without Hesitation, 007
opened its
door and Sat on
the Co-Driver's seat..
The Car started Moving Slowly,
looking at The Driver's Seat, there
was No driver, 007 became
Soo
afraid..
Just as He was trying to recover
from the shock, A
hand pooped from Outside and
Started controling
the steering wheel,.
007 Became Really afraid, And
Frozed on His
Seat,, he started Praying for His
Life..
Just as he was praying, the slow
Moving car
approached a Corner, wondering
What will happen,
again the Hand pooped in from
outside And
Steered
the Car Round the Corner....
Now 007 became Really
afraid,Gathered all his
strength, opened the Door, and
Fell
outside, woke
up, Ran to a Late night Restuarant
and Ordered a
Hot Drink, sat on one Corner and
Try to recover
From the shock..
As He was having His Drink, two
guys with mud all
over entered the Restuarant and
Ordered a Drink..
One Of them said,
"Look at that
in the Corner,
He Is the One who Entered In the
Car While we
were Pushing it...!

FIRST NIGHT EXPERIENCES!

A mum was lucky enough to see her three daughters wed in the same year, so she whispered to each of them "After your weddings, text me your first night experience and don't forget to text it in a coded way!"

After a week, the first daughter sent 'NESCAFE' in an sms 2 her mum while a week later, the second sent 'BENSON'. Their mum, as a 'soji woman' picked up a tin of Nescafe and read from d label "fantastic till d last drop!" She also went to her husband's pack of Benson cigarettes and found written on it "Extra long, king size!" she thought aloud "not too bad for them at their age"

A few days later, her third daughter's text comes in, "Arik: Lagos - Kano!". So Mama calls Arik Air information desk to inquire about their Kano to Lagos flight. She was told, "Its 3 times daily, 7 days a week and the flight duration is 75 minutes to and fro!"

Mama throws herself in the air, lands, slumps and faints shouting..."Yeeeeee! Eleyi ma pa mi lomo O! ( this one will kill my daughter!)"

The guy strong past strong decoder.na 1000hp.

Na Machine gun!

***Laugh Out Loud***
Gmailer wanted to have sëx with
a lady.
The lady suggested that they
should
use 69
style.
Gmailer asked ''what is 69 style?
The
lady answered, ''you will put your
head on
my
legs and I will put my head onto
your
legs''.
Gmailer agreed and tried 69 to
see how
it works. Immediately as he put
his head
on
the lady's legs, the lady farted It
smelled
like rotten carbbage. Gmailer
immediately
removed his head and the lady
said am sorry.
Gmailer then put back his head
onto
the
lady's legs and she farted again.
Gmailer
was upset, he stood up, dressed
and went
outside.
The woman called him back: am
sorry
please don't go?
Gmailer replied, ''If you think am
going
to remain here waiting for the
remaining
67,
forget!.
Happy sunday

Hahahahhahahahaha, @Fish u won't kill me with laugh!

Akpos again!!!
Akpos got 2 school late on monday morning and the teacher asked him why he came late.
Teacher: Akpos why did u come to school late?
Akpos: one man lost #1,000 note at d bus stop"
Teacher: ooohh! thats good of you, seems you were helping the man look for his lost money.
Akpos: Nooo! I DEY CRAZE??? Na me stand on top of the money"

MUST READ CONVERSATION BETWEEN Gmailer & 007! Gmailer : You are a Muslim, aren’t you, son ? 007 : Yes, sir. Gmailer: So, you believe in GOD ? 007 : Absolutely, sir. Gmailer : Is GOD good ? 007 : Sure. Gmailer: Is GOD all powerful ? 007 : Yes. Gmailer: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm? (007 was silent.) Gmailer: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good? 007 : Yes. Gmailer: Is satan good ? 007 : No. Gmailer: Where does satan come from ? 007 : From … GOD … Gmailer: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world? 007 : Yes. Gmailer: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct? 007 : Yes. Gmailer: So who created evil ? (007 did not answer.) Gmailer: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they? 007 : Yes, sir. Gmailer: So, who created them ? (007 had no answer.) Gmailer: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD? 007 : No, sir. Gmailer: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD? 007 : No , sir. Gmailer: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter? 007 : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t. Gmailer: Yet you still believe in Him? 007 : Yes. Gmailer : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son? 007 : Nothing. I only have my faith. Gmailer: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has. 007 : Gmailer, is there such a thing as heat? Gmailer: Yes. 007 : And is there such a thing as cold? Gmailer: Yes. 007 : No, sir. There isn’t. (Ntc Guyz forum became very quiet with this turn of events.) 007 : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it. (There was pin-drop silence in 9jatc forum.) 007 : What about darkness, Gmailer? Is there such a thing as darkness? Gmailer: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness? 007 : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you? Gmailer: So what is the point you are making, young man ? 007 : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed. Gmailer: Flawed ? Can you explain how? 007 : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Gmailer, do you teach Ntc Guyz that they evolved from a monkey? Gmailer: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do. 007 : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir? (Gmailer shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.) 007 : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (9jatc class was in uproar.) 007 : Is there anyone in dz forum who has ever seen the Gmailer’s brain? (Ntc Guyz broke out into laughter. ) 007 : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Gmailer’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Fishegg says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your Comment on evy thread, sir? (Members was silent. Gmailer stared at the 007, his face unfathomable.) Gmailer: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son. 007 : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving. e you have enjoyed the conversation. [MUST SHARE]

Teacher: How do u know when kids start to grow up?
Akpos: Gals grow up when they start to put lipstick n boys grow up when they start to wipe it off!


Boy: Where Are You Going?
Girl: For Suicide..
Boy: Then, Why Soo Much Make-Up?
Girl: You Idiot..!! Tomorrow My Photo will Come In Newspaper

Gmailer and his friend Obodo
always disturb the teacher
wenever he is teaching the class .
Fishegg; Gmailer tell the class what
is present tense and
past tense?
Gmailer began to look at the class
room
ceiling.
Fishegg; Gmailer what are u
doing?
Gmailer; i was thinking about
what the headmaster
said yesterday.
Fishegg: and what did the
headmaster said yesterday?
Gmailer: the headmaster said that
anybody who did
not pay his or her skull fees
should nt come to school today.
Fishegg: and how did it concern
with wat am teaching u?
Obodo from the back interupted:
Sir, the
headmaster said that any student
who did not pay his school fees
should not come to school today.
So, what the headmaster said
yesterday is past
tense, so Gmailer is now thinking
about what the headmaster said
yesterday is present tense.
Gmailer: yes. Exactly
Fishegg: Obodo ur a fool......
Gmailer: am sorry Sir
lolzzzz
Al na Joke oh. Hahahaha

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOLZ I NO FIT LAFF AGAIN OOOOOOOOOOO FISHEGG DON KILL ME WITH LAFF OOOOOOOO CHEIIIIIIIIIII

Una 2 funny!

Nah fishegg go be proprietor, headmaster nd teacher I dt school. Lols.

na so we c am o

Good morning

Akpors was seen crying at
the airport and some of
the people there went to
ask him what was wrong.
Man : Hey Mister, what's
wrong with You?
Akpors : I am in trouble
and a friend of mine ought
to be here but now. . .
Man : now what?
Akpors : Everyone has
departed from the airport,
he arrived today, I
borrowed him 5 million
naira for him to perform a
plastic surgery on his face
but now I can no longer
recognize him to collect
my money.

Akpos don enta wahala.

Yesterday a tokunbo car knocked down a masquerade,the car escaped immediately leaving the masquerade in his pool of blood.immediately his followers carry him and said let us take him to shrine,immediately the masquerade shout hey dont kill me this not shrine matter but hospital..i need doctor attendance.

Akpo no go kill person ooooo