JOKES OF NTC GUYZ PG +18

MY BROS & SIS U WIL NEVA BLIV WHT HAPND 2ME YSTDY. STILL CNT GET OVA IT. I WNT 2 D SUPER MKT 2 PICK SMTHNG 2 EAT N AS I WS WALKING DWN D ISLE, I NOTICED DIS MAN STARING AT ME. I LUKED AT HIM N KEPT WALKING 2D FRONT COUNTER 2PICK BOTTLED WATER AND GALA. AS I PICKED DEM AND TURNED TO FIND D SAME MAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! I TRIED 2 SHOW HIM SOME LUV, SO I SMILED N SAID "HI" THEN I WENT ON 2 GET A CAN COKE. CAN U BELIEVE THE SAME MAN FOLLOWED ME? I WAS GETTING A LITTLE NERVOUS AND MAD COS HE WAS FOLLOWING ME WITHOUT SAYING ANYTING. BUT I TRIED TO STAY FRIENDLY" I JUST SAID "HI" HE FINALLY RESPONDED AND SAID, "I AM SORRY 4 STARING BUT U LOOK JUST LIKE MY YOUNGEST SON..WE JUST BURIED HIM 2WKS AGO. I FELT STUPID 4 GETING MAD AS I EXPRESSED MY SYMPATHY TO HIM. HE SAID HE WAS FINE AS HE KNOWS DAT HIS SON IS WITH D LORD. THEN HE ASKED ME TO DO HIM A FAVOUR. I SAID "IF I CAN". HE SAID HE WAS A BIT SAD DAT HIS SON NEVA SAID GOODBYE 2 HIM B4 PASSING ON. HE ASKED ME TO GET IN LINE BEHIND HIM & AS HE LEFT D STORE, I SHOULD SAY "GOODBYE DAD". SO DAT HE COULD HAVE SOME SENSE OF CLOSURE. THOUGH HIS REQUEST WAS WEIRD, I HOWEVER AGREED 2 GRANT IT. SO AS HE COLLECTED HIS BAGS FROM D CASHER AND WALKED AWAY, I SAID "BYE DAD". HE TURND AND SAID "BYE SON". WHEN THE CASHIER CALCULATED MY STUFF, SHE SAID THE TOTAL WAS N6750!!!. I SAID WHAT!!...CAN U TELL ME HOW A BOTTLE OF N70 WATER, N5O GALA AND N100 CAN COKE EQUALS N6750?. SHE SAID "YOUR DAD SAID U ARE PAYING 4 HIS TOO"....MY DAD?, I SHOUTED. DAT MAN IS NOT MY FATHER OOO!!!". I QUICKLY RUSHED OUT JUST IN TIME TO SEE THE MAN APPROACHING THE PARKING LOT. I RAN AFTER HIM AND WAS SCREAMING..."EX CUSE ME, EXCUSE ME!!!". HE STARTED RUNNING 4 HIS CAR AS HE SAW ME COMING. I CAUGHT UP WITH HIM JUST B4 HE WAS ABLE 2 CLOSE D DOOR. I KEPT ON PULLING AND PULLING HIS LEGS!!! JUST LIKE AM PULLING YOURS NOW!!! YOU TOO LIKE GIST! C AS U DEY ENJOY DEY READ DEY GO!! GudMrn My Ntc Guruz!

hahahahah............................lolz.... fishegg you get mouth oh

Fisheggs en be so u dey. Hahahahaaaaaaaa. Thanks for de crack.

Funny+ lol Akpors the priest reared chicken in his compound. One day his cockeret ran away. The next morning during a preaching at church,akpors went infront of the congregation and said: "Anyone who has a cock,may you please stand up." All the MEN stood up. Akpors: "No no. Anyone who has seen a cock,may you please stand up." All the WOMEN stood up. Akpors: "No no,i mean who has seen a cock which is not theirs?" Again,half the WOMEN stood up. Akpors: "For God's sake,who has seen my cock?" All the choir GIRLS and NUNS stood up. Gud Mrn frndz @NtcguYz.

FUNNY DUDE

Chai......my ribs ooooo....
Una go kill person.....

U guyz are Gr8.keep it up

check urself if u are one of the AKPOS

Btw dis 2 pple wich of dem can u negotiate wit?......A SUICIDE BOMBER & A GIRL ON HER MENSES.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GIRL
AND
A WOMAN: »Girls search for a
rich man
»Woman search for a caring
and loving
man »Girls envy those who
move ahead and
hate the players »Women
share their
knowledge and help others
move ahead by not hating the
players but teaching the rules
to
the game. »Girls measures her
man's worth
by the weight of his pocket.
»Women
measures her man's worth by
his level of
Wisdom and the fear of God
and how
disciplined he can be towards
his finances. »Girls ending
breakup with silly excuses
»Women has endurance
knowing that
everything happen for a
reason »Girls thinks
about present »Women thinks
about future
»Girls : love to having many
guys going After
her »Women : knows the law
of demand (Cheap things has
high purchasers) »Girls
takes relationship affairs
outside »Women
solve the problem within
Herself and her
partner »Girls demand for
money to buy
make-Ups »Women demand
for money to
make plans »Girls get hurt by
one man and make all men
pay for it. »Women know
that, that was just ONE man.
»A girl is
"learning"...A woman "knows"
»Girls will
read this and get an attitude.
»GROWN
WOMEN will read this and pass
it on to
other grown women ,And A
real man will drop a
comment.

A wealthy man who had only
one daughter. When the
daughter was of marriage
age, the father sent news
around town that all the
eligible young men should
come to compete in atest
which would determine
whowas fit to marry his
daughter. Onthat set day, all
the able-bodied young men
came out. Some camewith
paper and biro and others
with cutlasses and swords.
The rich man took them to his
swimming pool and
addressed the men: “ Any of
you who can swim from one
end of this swimming pool to
the other would marry my
daughter. In addition, I‘ll give
him $15, a car and a house so
they can start lifewell. I shall
be waiting to meet my son-
in-law at the other side. Good
luck!” As the young men,
allvery excited at the
prospect ofwinning, started
taking off their shirts, a
helicopter came over the pool
and dropped snakes and
crocodiles into the pool.
Immediately all the men
turned back and started
wearing their shirts again.
Disappointed, some of them
said let d man marry
daughter,i can't enjoy d prize
wen i die o...All of a sudden,
they heard a splash in the
pool. Everybody watched in
amazementas one gentleman
struggled his way across,
avoiding the snakes and
crocodiles. Finally, he made it
to the other side. The rich
man couldnot believe it. He
asked the young man to name
anything he wanted but the
man was still panting
uncontrollably. Finally, hegot
himself and made a request
saying ” pls someone should
show me the idiot that
pushed me inside this
pool”..lolz....
Moral: You don’t know what
you are capable of doing,
until you arePUSHED!!. You
can still make the most out of
the rest of the YEAR. Have a
fulfilled week ahead of you. Api new mnth guyz.

LOLZ FUNNY DUDE.

Man you're blessed

hmmmm.... am speechless

Fishegg45 wrote:

A wealthy man who had only
one daughter. When the
daughter was of marriage
age, the father sent news
around town that all the
eligible young men should
come to compete in atest
which would determine
whowas fit to marry his
daughter. Onthat set day, all
the able-bodied young men
came out. Some camewith
paper and biro and others
with cutlasses and swords.
The rich man took them to his
swimming pool and
addressed the men: “ Any of
you who can swim from one
end of this swimming pool to
the other would marry my
daughter. In addition, I‘ll give
him $15, a car and a house so
they can start lifewell. I shall
be waiting to meet my son-
in-law at the other side. Good
luck!” As the young men,
allvery excited at the
prospect ofwinning, started
taking off their shirts, a
helicopter came over the pool
and dropped snakes and
crocodiles into the pool.
Immediately all the men
turned back and started
wearing their shirts again.
Disappointed, some of them
said let d man marry
daughter,i can't enjoy d prize
wen i die o...All of a sudden,
they heard a splash in the
pool. Everybody watched in
amazementas one gentleman
struggled his way across,
avoiding the snakes and
crocodiles. Finally, he made it
to the other side. The rich
man couldnot believe it. He
asked the young man to name
anything he wanted but the
man was still panting
uncontrollably. Finally, hegot
himself and made a request
saying ” pls someone should
show me the idiot that
pushed me inside this
pool”..lolz....
Moral: You don’t know what
you are capable of doing,
until you arePUSHED!!. You
can still make the most out of
the rest of the YEAR. Have a
fulfilled week ahead of you. Api new mnth guyz.

9ice one

nice one

thats one of the great jokes of planets keep it up

Akinleonard wrote:

thats one of the great jokes of planets keep it up

tnx bro and all.

A crippled man was arrested in connection of stealing a big refrigerator. On judgment day a Judge from High Court said,"upon looking at you, i have seen that you cant be a thief due to your walking disability. So, since they have disgraced you and your CV has been distroyed i order you to take this refrigerator to be yours from today. Let it be your compensation". The crippled man thanked the Judge and with joy he jumped down from his hand bicycle. He crawled and took the refrigrator by the back going home. After he crawled about ten metres, the Judge said, "you have successfully shown us that you are indeed a thief. Now you are jailed for two years imprisonment with hard labour." GOOD MORNING, HOW WAS NIGHT?

Ha ha i dey laghf o

Thats good work.

oowwwwwwwwwwww

A husband and his wife Agreed that anytime they want to havesex they will call it a' phone call, so that the kids will not decode. one day, the husband send his son to tell his mother that daddy wants to make a phone call. mother replies,"tell your dad that the network is down today.”Dad to his son,”go tell ur mother that if there is no network at home, I will go to a public phone Booth. The mother tells his son to go and tell his dad, ”if he dare goes to a public phone,i will open a call center at home. Una Gud Mrn oh @Ntc guyz.

u funny oh..... d boy don turn to messenger

Akpors goes into a chemist, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist's assistant."Could you taste this please?" says Akpors. Chemist Assistant takes the teaspoon, put it in his mouth swills the liquid and swallow it.. "Does it taste sweet?" says Akpors "No, not at all" says Chemist Assistant. "Good" says Akpors....."the doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar"The Chemist Assistant fainted. Una Gud Mrn oh @Ntc guyz.

Fishegg45 wrote:

A husband and his wife Agreed that anytime they want to havesex they will call it a' phone call, so that the kids will not decode. one day, the husband send his son to tell his mother that daddy wants to make a phone call. mother replies,"tell your dad that the network is down today.”Dad to his son,”go tell ur mother that if there is no network at home, I will go to a public phone Booth. The mother tells his son to go and tell his dad, ”if he dare goes to a public phone,i will open a call center at home. Una Gud Mrn oh @Ntc guyz.

Can't stop laughing
This is real

Akpos got a message from
his girl
friend on his
Bday "Message Reads" HBD
Boo...LLNP,
LYSM
TTYL"...Akpos:s provoked and
called
her phone" Kate wat is
meaning of HBD LLNP and
Those
rubbish...Kate replied Haaa
Akpos dnt
tell me u are
dis dumb and local Oh My
Gooosh, u
dnt even know the meaning
of HBD and all dat
Mtch[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] Well,
HBD Means "Happy Birthday",
LLNP
means "Long
Life Nd Prosperity" LYSM
means "Love
You So
Much" and TTYL means "Talk
To You Later" dumb
ass....Akpos ( angrily ends the
call and
sent her a
text message 2mins later,
*message
reads* TFY...Kate called
immediately,
AKpos wat is the meaning of
TFY? Akpos answered Oh u
don't even
know common
TFY After much laugh Akpos
replied TFY
means
"Thunder Fire You.
Hw una dy @ntc guys?

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha TFY

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,"I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked,"Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband.

That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail!

All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Good one there.

lwkmd....

fishegg so u get mouth like dis..hhhaahahahaha keep it up

Please read this: This is a real story of a young Ex-Unilag girl who passed away last month. Her name is Lola. She was hit by a car at Oyingbo on her way to work at Apapa. She was working with MTN. She had a boy friend named Emeka, a banker who was recently transferred to Abuja. Both of them were true lovers. She spent half of the day and most nights talking with Emeka on her phone. Lola's family knew about their relationship. Emeka was very close to Lola's family in spite of the tribal differences. (just imagine their love). Before she passed away at LUTH, she told her friends "If I pass away, please bury me with my cell phone" she also said the same thing to her parents. After her death at LUTH, the attendants couldn't carry her body to the mortuary. A lot of them tried to do so but still couldn't. They went and called some priests in church who had the gift of communicating with the dead. He sprinkled some salt and water on the body and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, they said "this girl ????§ missing something". Then her friends told them about her intention to be buried her with her phone. They asked them to bring a coffin, and then they opened it and placed her phone inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the body. It could now be moved and they carried it away easily. Everyone was shocked. A day later which was Lola's birthday, Emeka came to their house with gifts but was so shocked to receive d news. He couldn't believe because he still spoke with Lola d previous day, he then tried calling her phone again in their presence and behold! It rang nd Lola picked it and they were chatting. They called d priest to come and intervene nd when he came and prayed for 5 hours, it was revealed dat MTN is everywhere u go Chill,, don't hate me yet, cos I'm also looking for d idiot that sent me dis,so as to strangle him......lolz. Buh una like gist sha. Api Sunday @Ntc Guyz. Gud nyt

Akpors came home one night and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "my husband! I am a month overdue. Its like i'm pregnant, d doctor give me test today but until it dey sure, we no go tell anybody."The next day Akpors' wife receives a telephone call from PHCN because dey had not paid their bill. Am I speaking to Mr Akpors? "Na im wife be this" she says PHCN guy:"u're a month overdue shey una know?" Hw u take knw? stammers Akpors wife. "Madam its in our files" says the PHCN guy. She shouts "how it take enter una file?" Phcn guy: Yes, We av a system of finding out who's overdue Akpos's wife: GOD, dis is too much which kain tin be dis? Phcn guy: Madam, I am sorry Iam following orders ,I have to inform u dat u are overdue Akpos's wife: no wahala Makei tell my husband wen he come back. dat night she tells Akpos "dem know say i dey overdue for phcn o!" The next day Akpors rushes to PHCN office. "Wetin dey happen? i hear say una get file say my wife dey overdue. It concern una"he says angrily. Just calm down, says the lady at the reception at PHCN, its nothing serious. All u have to do is pay us. Akpors: PAY una 4 wetin? If i no pay nko? Lady: Well in dat case sir, we have no option but to cut yours off. Akpos: if u cut am wetin my wife go do? Lady: I don't know, I guess she would have to use a candle!!! Akpors fainted!!

Hw una dy Ntc Guyz? Gud Mrn.

FROM: National Association of Boyfriends (NABs) TO: National Association of Girlfriends (NAGs) CC: Federal Ministry of Women Affairs BCC: Senate Commitee on Conflict Resolution NOTICE OF SUSPENSION OF STRIKE --------------- --------------- ------------- This is to bring to the notice of the public our concerns and conclusion on this Xmas period hereby suspending strike till further notice. How can a girl send you boxers & expect a BB? A tie & expect Brazilian hair? Singlet & expect iPad 2? Cufflinks & expect BB Porsche of 450k? Or nothing at all & expect an expensive dinner at Chicken Republic? Yet we preach gender equality. Well, the National Association of Boyfriends (NABs) has concluded it should be trade by barter this Xmas Oº°˚˚°º. Singlet should be exchanged with a Bra. If she gives you roll-on, buy her "Miss Paris". She gives you cufflinks, give her rubber band to tie her natural hair. If she shows up at your door empty handed, put NTA or AIT for her to watch. Don't let her watch your subscribed cable (no free thing). If she asks for an expensive dinner, take her to an expensive night vigil.MFM or CAC to be precise. She gives you a flower, you give her igneous rock from Olumo (all na nature). The above is currently our exchange rate for the Xmas. We hereby suspend our strike. OF THE GREATEST GBAA GBAA... OF THE GREATEST GBOO GBOO... OF THE GREATEST NABSITE... GREAT Oº°˚˚ °º . CHIEF NATIONAL SECRETARY FISHEGG25 =Dº°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнa º

Hahahahaaaaaaaa.
What a drama!!!

so funny

Hmmm hope no babe is readin dis lol

wow

NOLLYWOOD WAHALA (Add urs) 1. The greatest mistake when you are acting a movie is when PATIENCE OZOKWOR is your mother-in-law, i pity you. 2. The greatest mistake a girl will make in a movie is going out on a date with JOHN OKAFOR. I sorry for you. 3. The greatest mistake you will make in a movie is when you are rich and PETE EDOCHIE is your elder brother. (R.I.P). 4. The greatest mistake a girl will make in a movie is to marry JIM IYKE. (Beating Things). 5. The greatest mistake you will make in a movie is dragging a land with CHINWETALU AGU. You will end up sick or dead. 6. The greatest mistake a man and a woman will make in a movie is when AKI and PAWPAW are their Children. (High Blood Pressure). add yours

Hilarious

Love this thread.

Akpors went to a bar to relax
his
nerves this
sunny afternoon.
While at the bar Akpors
shouted and
said to
the barman; "Give me a bottle
of
small stout
and give
everybody here 2 bottles of
big
stout let them
enjoy because when I drink
stout,
everybody
drinks stout." The barman
obeyed
people in
the bar started hailing Akpors
while
sipping
on their free drinks.
Akpors ordered again:
Barman! Give
me a
bottle of small stout and give
everybody here
2 bottles of big stout let them
enjoy
because
when i
drink stout, everybody drinks
stout.
At this
juncture everybody cheered
and
hailed
Akpors louder.
After some minutes again
Akpors
said:
barman give me a plate of
fish
peppersoup
and give everybody here 2
plates of
fish
peppersoup each, let them
eat while
i eat. The
barman obeyed. They were so
happy
and
heaped praises on Akpors
while they
ate and
drank.
About an hour later, they
were
shocked to the
marrow when Akpors
beckoned on
the
Barman and said to him;
"Bring me
my bill
and also give everybody here
their
bill too
because when I pay my bill,
everybody will
pay their bills too!
Pls respectable Nigerian help
save
Akpors
who is still in coma at the
intensive
care unit
of Central
Hospital in Warri...

Hahahahaaaaaaaa!!!

thanks man, nice way to ease the stress. really hilarious

Lng time dudu hw ur end nt hear 4rm u again

funny dude

lol.make una live akpos alone.