JOKES OF NTC GUYZ PG +18

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MY BROS & SIS U WIL NEVA BLIV WHT HAPND 2ME YSTDY. STILL CNT GET OVA IT. I WNT 2 D SUPER MKT 2 PICK SMTHNG 2 EAT N AS I WS WALKING DWN D ISLE, I NOTICED DIS MAN STARING AT ME. I LUKED AT HIM N KEPT WALKING 2D FRONT COUNTER 2PICK BOTTLED WATER AND GALA. AS I PICKED DEM AND TURNED TO FIND D SAME MAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! I TRIED 2 SHOW HIM SOME LUV, SO I SMILED N SAID "HI" THEN I WENT ON 2 GET A CAN COKE. CAN U BELIEVE THE SAME MAN FOLLOWED ME? I WAS GETTING A LITTLE NERVOUS AND MAD COS HE WAS FOLLOWING ME WITHOUT SAYING ANYTING. BUT I TRIED TO STAY FRIENDLY" I JUST SAID "HI" HE FINALLY RESPONDED AND SAID, "I AM SORRY 4 STARING BUT U LOOK JUST LIKE MY YOUNGEST SON..WE JUST BURIED HIM 2WKS AGO. I FELT STUPID 4 GETING MAD AS I EXPRESSED MY SYMPATHY TO HIM. HE SAID HE WAS FINE AS HE KNOWS DAT HIS SON IS WITH D LORD. THEN HE ASKED ME TO DO HIM A FAVOUR. I SAID "IF I CAN". HE SAID HE WAS A BIT SAD DAT HIS SON NEVA SAID GOODBYE 2 HIM B4 PASSING ON. HE ASKED ME TO GET IN LINE BEHIND HIM & AS HE LEFT D STORE, I SHOULD SAY "GOODBYE DAD". SO DAT HE COULD HAVE SOME SENSE OF CLOSURE. THOUGH HIS REQUEST WAS WEIRD, I HOWEVER AGREED 2 GRANT IT. SO AS HE COLLECTED HIS BAGS FROM D CASHER AND WALKED AWAY, I SAID "BYE DAD". HE TURND AND SAID "BYE SON". WHEN THE CASHIER CALCULATED MY STUFF, SHE SAID THE TOTAL WAS N6750!!!. I SAID WHAT!!...CAN U TELL ME HOW A BOTTLE OF N70 WATER, N5O GALA AND N100 CAN COKE EQUALS N6750?. SHE SAID "YOUR DAD SAID U ARE PAYING 4 HIS TOO"....MY DAD?, I SHOUTED. DAT MAN IS NOT MY FATHER OOO!!!". I QUICKLY RUSHED OUT JUST IN TIME TO SEE THE MAN APPROACHING THE PARKING LOT. I RAN AFTER HIM AND WAS SCREAMING..."EX CUSE ME, EXCUSE ME!!!". HE STARTED RUNNING 4 HIS CAR AS HE SAW ME COMING. I CAUGHT UP WITH HIM JUST B4 HE WAS ABLE 2 CLOSE D DOOR. I KEPT ON PULLING AND PULLING HIS LEGS!!! JUST LIKE AM PULLING YOURS NOW!!! YOU TOO LIKE GIST! C AS U DEY ENJOY DEY READ DEY GO!! GudMrn My Ntc Guruz!

oh, fisheggs, I like the moral in the swimming story

tnx evybdy, more jokez n story stil loadin

You try small sha!

IF YOU DONT LAUGH AT THIS JOKE, THEN YOU DIDN’T BRUSH YOUR TEETH
A man gets on a bus and sees a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and pleads with her:"You are so attractive and I must have s*x with you." "No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and gets off at the nextstop. The man is devastated.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the man and says: "I can tell you how to get to make love with her!" "Yeah?” says the man."Yeah!" say the bus driver.
"She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that glowing powderstuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be an Angel.
"The man promises to give it a Try, and arrives at the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. "I am an Angel," hedeclares to the nun, keeping the hood low about His face. "God hasdirected me to make love with you."
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal s*x, as she is desperate notto lose her virginity. The man agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. This was thebest s*x he had ever had.
After finishing, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish. "Ha-ha," he laughed happily. "Surprise surprise, I am the man from the bus!"
"Ha-ha," replied the nun. "Surprise surprise I am the bus driver and Iam gay!!"

lolz. Tnx bro

@fishegg45 and @lottodream great job.....that was really funny...tit for tat....lol

Akpors and his wife were unable to have children so they decided to get a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, mr Akpors kissed his wife and said "I'm off, the man shud be here soon." Half an hour later just by chance a door to door baby photographer rang the door bell hoping to make a sale. "Goodmorning madam, I've come to..." "Oh no need to explain, hv been waiting for u" mrs Akpors cuts in. (Really?) The photographer asked."Well hv made a specialty of babies, dats what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked blushing " well where do we start?"Leave everything to me, I usually try two from the bathtub, one on d couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too. U can really spread out." "Bathtub! Living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for me and Akpors!! Well madam none of us can guarantee a good one everytime, but if we try several different position and I shoot from six and seven angles, I'm sure u'll be pleased with the result. "My, dats a lot of ......" Gasped Mrs. Akpors. "Madam in my line of work a man must take his time. I'd loved to be in and out in five minutes, but u'd be disappointed wid that." "Don't I know it, mrs Akpors said quietly". The photographer opened his brief case and pull out a portfolio of his baby pictures." Dis was done on the top of a bus in down town london" (OMG) mrs. Akpors exclaimed. Tugging at her handkerchief. "And dis twins turned out exceptional, wen. U consider their mother was so difficult to work wid." "She was difficult?" Asked mrs Akpors. "Yes I had to take her to the hyde park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" Asked mrs. Akpors, eyes widened in amazement. "Yes" the photographer said, and for more than 3hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling, I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, wen the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Mrs. Akpors leaned forward," u mean squirrels actually chewed ur um...... Equipment?" Dats right. Well madam if ur ready, I'll set up my tripod so we can get to work. "TRIPOD?" Asked mrs Akpors. "Oh yes I have to use a tripod to rest my canon, its too big for me to hold for a very long time". (Mrs. Akpors is still in coma)

ne morning at a doctor's
office a patient arrives
complaining of serious back-
pain.
The doctor examines him and
asks him -"OK, what
happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You
know that I work for a local
night club, right? This
morning I got home to my
apartmentearly and heard a
noise in my bedroom. On
entering I knew
someone had been with my
wife and the balcony door
was open. I rushed out the
balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down
from the balcony I saw a man
running out and he was
dressing
himself. I grabbed the fridge
and threw it at him, That’s
how I strained my back."
The 2nd patient arrives
looking as if he has been in a
car wreck. The doctor said "My
previous patient looked bad,
but you look terrible. What
the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have
been
unemployed for a while now.
Today was the first day at my
new job. I forgot to set my
alarm and was running late. I
was running out of the
building, getting dressed at
the
same time, and you won't
believe it but I was hit by a
fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he
looks even worse than the
other two Patients do.. The
doctor is shocked. Again asks,
"What the hell happened to
youuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge
nd some one threw it from
the 3rd floor"......

Men you go kill me with laugh hahahahaha

Lolz....fishegg u no go kill person oooo.....hahahhahhahah. Chei see nemesis.....lolz

nice one

Two Teenage boys were picked up for doing drugs. When they went to court the judge said that he would like to give them a second chance if they could work in the community and convince young people not to do drugs they would avoid jail time. The two boys went to the community and did their work and returned to court the following month. The judge asked the first boy how he did and he told the judge that he convinced 30 people not to do drugs. The judge said, "That was great how did you do that?" The Boy told him, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy) "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" "Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your asshole before prison.'"

U need not complete d joke fishegg45.....they won't need to do drugs again, if not thier asshole will be as big as bucket by the time they get out of jail....lolz

our family were so poor that poor people in my compound are praying for us to make money befor them. We hadly see food eat...all the mosquitoes in our room left us bc they couldnt suck blood from our veins.... so one day a rat ran into our room thinking that it may see food... The rat stayed for 3 weeks...it couldnt even see a food oil....the rat became lin and weak. So finaly the rat decided to live our room.....it couldnt walk fast because of hunger, wen my father saw it he brought a stick to hit it... The rat saw him and said to my father: you are a very wicked man...i did not eat anythin in ur house since 3 weeks i came into here and still u want to kill me... Ok.. go ahead and kill me and God will judge u. lolzz

An old woman was being raped as she shouted out for help. When people arrived, they started pulling the man from her. "Leave him!" she exclaimed "let him first ejaculate so that we can have the evidence when we reach the police!"

It been long she had sex last nah!

Fishegg45 wrote:

An old woman was being raped as she shouted out for help. When people arrived, they started pulling the man from her. "Leave him!" she exclaimed "let him first ejaculate so that we can have the evidence when we reach the police!"

The woman is really looking for the evidence to hold the man, at the same time she is enjoying it.....

She no look for evidence kankan! She dey enjoy the man ni! E don tey nah! Body no be wood ow

Dat is enjoyment of dar thing i gbadun ojo to pe

D thing dey do ke ke

PRINCIPAL: Akpos your result was very
poor and disgraceful. What's even
your favorite subject? AKPOS: Free
period....​​

Gmailer wrote:

PRINCIPAL: Akpos your result was very
poor and disgraceful. What's even
your favorite subject? AKPOS: Free
period....​​

Akpo is wrong here, free period is not a subject

You too know sey Akpors nah mumu!

It was monday morning and the teacher requested that the students tell a story of something unusual that happened during the weekend. Akpors : (smiles) My mother travelled on Saturday so I was home alone with my dad. On Sunday, my father fell into a well. Teacher : Oh my God. I am sorry. Hope he is okay? Akpors : Yes, I am sure he is okay because this morning, he stopped shouting "HELP, HELP".

Fishegg45 wrote:

It was monday morning and the teacher requested that the students tell a story of something unusual that happened during the weekend. Akpors : (smiles) My mother travelled on Saturday so I was home alone with my dad. On Sunday, my father fell into a well. Teacher : Oh my God. I am sorry. Hope he is okay? Akpors : Yes, I am sure he is okay because this morning, he stopped shouting "HELP, HELP".

you go kill me ooo with laugh,the papa go do die for inside well.

A naked lady ran into an Igbo man’s taxi.
She told the driver where she was going.
The lgbo man didn’t start the car but he was just staring at the girl over & over again.
The lady saw him and said : what’s your problem man ?? Haven’t u seen a naked lady before ?
Igbo man replied : l am not looking at ur nakedness, I was just wondering where U kept themoney u are going to pay me.

Ghetto man no noniness...

Igbo man too like money

That is a lesson for u! Next time don't say goodbye to a stranger.

more jokes loadin

((C WAHALA))
.
.
A wife sends a nude photo to her
husband with both
legs wide open.
WIFE: I will wait like this till you
come.
HUSBAND: That's okay babe, but
who is the person
taking u the picture?

TELEPHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN ASO ROCK AND STEPHEN KESHI! ASO ROCK: Congratulations, your boys made us proud! KESHI: Thank you, your excellency! ASO ROCK: When are you guys coming? KESHI: Tomorrow sir. ASO ROCK: Have you confirmed if the cup is real Gold? ... because I don't trust CAF at times, they may hide the real Gold and give you a steel coated with Gold. KESHI: We have done that sir... even one of the players broke one part of it and just confirmed that he sold it this morning at a South African Gold mine... It is original Gold sir! ASO ROCK: Whaaaaaaaaaat! What about the 1.5 million Dollars that CAF gave you guys? KESHI: It is with me! ASO ROCK: I hope it is complete? KESHI: I didn't count it? ASO ROCK: Keshi don't disappoint me. How on earth would someone give you 1.5 Million Dollars and you didn't count it in his Presence... ARE YOU FAROUK?

Husband and Wife were watching "WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE" while in bed. Husband : Do you want to have sex? Wife : No! Husband : Is that your final answer? Wife : Yes! Husband : Then i'll like to phone a friend.. AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED

Johnnie says, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister's in the third grade
and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade!"
The teacher had had enough. As a result, she took Johnnie to the principal's
office and explained Johnnie's request. While Johnnie waited in theouter
office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told
Johnnie's teacher that he would givethe boy a test and if Johnnie failed to
answer any of the special questions he was to go back to the first grade and
behave. The teacher agreed.
Johnnie was brought into the room. The principal told Johnnie his terms and
Johnnie agreed.
Principal: ;What is 3 x 3? Johnnie: 9
Principal:What is 6 x 6? Johnnie: 36
Principal: What is 9 x 9? Johnnie: 81
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should
know. Johnnie appeared to have a strong case. The principal looked at the
teacher and told her, "I think Johnniecan go on to the third grade."
The teacher, knowing Little Johnnie's tendency toward sexual wisecracks, said to
the principal, "Let me ask him some questions before we make that decision?"
The principal and Johnnie both agreed, Johnnie with a sly look on his face. The
teacher began by asking, "What doesa cow have 4 of that I have only 2 of?"
Johnnie, "Legs."
Teacher, "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal's eyes open wide! Before he could stop Johnnie 's expected answer,
Johnnie said, "Pockets."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "I think we should
put Johnnie in the fifth grade. I missed the last two questions myself."

A man suspected his wife was
seeing
another man, so he hired the
famous Chinese detective, Chen
Lee,
to watch and report any activities
while he was gone.
A few days later, he received this
report:
Most honorable sir,
You leave house.
I watch house.
He come to house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree.
I look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
I fall off tree.
The man: You no see,No fee!

Good jobs guyz, keep dem coming!

Nice one guyz!

A man sits next to a girl on a table
in the hotel
Man: hello madam?
Lady : what is it?
Man : sorry madam , just wanted
to ask what the time is on your
watch?
Lady: ehee ...now you think my
watch is used as a public clock
huh? Go away and stop wasting
my time
Man : but madam
Lady :shut up!!!
* the man takes out his Apple
phone and makes
call
Man :hello Naught Ashnaan
I just settled from Washington D.C
can you please tell me what time
it is right now so that I set
my clock to the local time since it
still reads
American time
*she listens*
ok thank you and
today don't forget to come for
the galaxy tablet that you
requested
* she listens*
since my girl is
still in America bring me a
beautiful girl to spend my money
with tonight
Ok bye
Lady : sir the time is ..
Man : shut up

Manner tells alot

Fishegg45 wrote:

TELEPHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN ASO ROCK AND STEPHEN KESHI! ASO ROCK: Congratulations, your boys made us proud! KESHI: Thank you, your excellency! ASO ROCK: When are you guys coming? KESHI: Tomorrow sir. ASO ROCK: Have you confirmed if the cup is real Gold? ... because I don't trust CAF at times, they may hide the real Gold and give you a steel coated with Gold. KESHI: We have done that sir... even one of the players broke one part of it and just confirmed that he sold it this morning at a South African Gold mine... It is original Gold sir! ASO ROCK: Whaaaaaaaaaat! What about the 1.5 million Dollars that CAF gave you guys? KESHI: It is with me! ASO ROCK: I hope it is complete? KESHI: I didn't count it? ASO ROCK: Keshi don't disappoint me. How on earth would someone give you 1.5 Million Dollars and you didn't count it in his Presence... ARE YOU FAROUK?

hahaha .... see EFCC for your back ooo

hahahahahahaha

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face."Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?" " Because he was conceived during a mighty storm," she said. Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" "Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her," she replied. He then asked, "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?" "We were watching the moon- landing when she was conceived," the mother replies. The mother paused and said to her son... "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"...lolest..

ℓ added Detol †̥Ơ̴̴̴̴͡ •̸Ϟÿ̲̣̣̣̥ Friend Cup ϑf Tea.
If ℓ don't take care ϑf Him, Who will....?

A woman discovered she had
H.I.V so she decided to meet a
native doctor for solution.
But the doctor was confused
cause he know there was no
cure.
So he figured out wat to do.
When the woman came he
told her that the
god's i serve has ordered for the
bringing of this items for
sacrifice and if they are not
provided there will be no cure.
1 the breast milk of a crocodile
2 a fly undergoing menstruation
3 a virgin mosquitoe
4 a tsetse fly with the issue of
blood
5 a pig with ulcer .
After all this the woman
realised there was no cure for
her problem

@Fishegg45...u are d man! Nice job!

hhehehehehe b4 which cure will be there

we can now cure different kinds of diseases in this forum as we now have a native doctor in the house. Have you checked out the thread, me I Don laugh tire o

na so we dy c am. More jokez. Loadin.

Who said there isn't cure for HIV/AIDS?

Boyfriend: Babe is it entering?
Girlfriend: 'Yeah....oh yeah....!
Boyfriend: 'Does it hurt'?
Girlfriend: Mmmmm its hurting
Boyfriend: Let me try to put it
in slowly'
does it still hurt?
Girlfriend: yeah! It hurting,
hurtin....hurti......hurtin
Boyfriend: "Ok, look for another
shoe of ur size since that one is
hurting you.
Dirty Mind! what were you
thinking of?