JOKES OF NTC GUYZ PG +18

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MY BROS & SIS U WIL NEVA BLIV WHT HAPND 2ME YSTDY. STILL CNT GET OVA IT. I WNT 2 D SUPER MKT 2 PICK SMTHNG 2 EAT N AS I WS WALKING DWN D ISLE, I NOTICED DIS MAN STARING AT ME. I LUKED AT HIM N KEPT WALKING 2D FRONT COUNTER 2PICK BOTTLED WATER AND GALA. AS I PICKED DEM AND TURNED TO FIND D SAME MAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! I TRIED 2 SHOW HIM SOME LUV, SO I SMILED N SAID "HI" THEN I WENT ON 2 GET A CAN COKE. CAN U BELIEVE THE SAME MAN FOLLOWED ME? I WAS GETTING A LITTLE NERVOUS AND MAD COS HE WAS FOLLOWING ME WITHOUT SAYING ANYTING. BUT I TRIED TO STAY FRIENDLY" I JUST SAID "HI" HE FINALLY RESPONDED AND SAID, "I AM SORRY 4 STARING BUT U LOOK JUST LIKE MY YOUNGEST SON..WE JUST BURIED HIM 2WKS AGO. I FELT STUPID 4 GETING MAD AS I EXPRESSED MY SYMPATHY TO HIM. HE SAID HE WAS FINE AS HE KNOWS DAT HIS SON IS WITH D LORD. THEN HE ASKED ME TO DO HIM A FAVOUR. I SAID "IF I CAN". HE SAID HE WAS A BIT SAD DAT HIS SON NEVA SAID GOODBYE 2 HIM B4 PASSING ON. HE ASKED ME TO GET IN LINE BEHIND HIM & AS HE LEFT D STORE, I SHOULD SAY "GOODBYE DAD". SO DAT HE COULD HAVE SOME SENSE OF CLOSURE. THOUGH HIS REQUEST WAS WEIRD, I HOWEVER AGREED 2 GRANT IT. SO AS HE COLLECTED HIS BAGS FROM D CASHER AND WALKED AWAY, I SAID "BYE DAD". HE TURND AND SAID "BYE SON". WHEN THE CASHIER CALCULATED MY STUFF, SHE SAID THE TOTAL WAS N6750!!!. I SAID WHAT!!...CAN U TELL ME HOW A BOTTLE OF N70 WATER, N5O GALA AND N100 CAN COKE EQUALS N6750?. SHE SAID "YOUR DAD SAID U ARE PAYING 4 HIS TOO"....MY DAD?, I SHOUTED. DAT MAN IS NOT MY FATHER OOO!!!". I QUICKLY RUSHED OUT JUST IN TIME TO SEE THE MAN APPROACHING THE PARKING LOT. I RAN AFTER HIM AND WAS SCREAMING..."EX CUSE ME, EXCUSE ME!!!". HE STARTED RUNNING 4 HIS CAR AS HE SAW ME COMING. I CAUGHT UP WITH HIM JUST B4 HE WAS ABLE 2 CLOSE D DOOR. I KEPT ON PULLING AND PULLING HIS LEGS!!! JUST LIKE AM PULLING YOURS NOW!!! YOU TOO LIKE GIST! C AS U DEY ENJOY DEY READ DEY GO!! GudMrn My Ntc Guruz!

Lolz! Wetin carry d man teeth go there.

help me ask am

Guyz, anybody remember diz song we use to sing doze days we were in Nursery school?

John Bull my son,
I send u to school,
You dnt know how to spell ur name...

J. O. H. N. John...
B. U. L. L. Bull...

That's how to spell your name!

Abeg John bull don sabi spell em name nw?

yez na. Lolz

A bus conductor and his driver were both arguing who was more brilliant:
Driver: You nor go school!
Conductor: Haba! I go school pas u.
Driver: Oya, wetin be 2 times 2?
Conductor: Ahan! Very easy! Dat one na 22 nah.
Driver: Fool! Person tell u d answer for back,abi?

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

gud wrk

Thanks bro, more coming!

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Johnnys’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Johnny’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Johnny sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. “Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?” “Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?’” I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose pedals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, “Do what ever you want.” So, here I am.

Hahahaha, smart man.

hmmmnn

A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?" The sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we have the camel." The captain said, "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captain's quarters. The captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it? The sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

Hahahahaaaaaaaa

my bele oooooo

More loading...

A young girl in her teens got pregnant. Her father was so furious, he asked her who was responsible for the pregnancy and she said told him a rich famous chief. He called the chief over to the house and they sat down to discuss the matter.

FATHER: Chief, i heard you are responsible for my daughter's pregnancy.
CHIEF: You are right, that is true, let me add this, if she gives birth to a male child, I will give you 5 million naira with a furnished flat. If she gives birth to a female child, I will give you 2 million naira and a bungalow. If she gives birth to twins, I will give you 10 million naira with a duplex but if she gets a miscarriage-
FATHER: [interrupts] You will have to sleep with her again!

FOREIGN MOVIES TEACH US:

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

2. More than 50% of U.S population are FBI / CIA agents, working undercover.

3. The purpose of school system of U.S is to promote basketball.

4. Aliens have special interest in attacking U.S.

5. U.S is a place where you can meet all mythical creatures like werewolves and vampires.

police don upgrade oh, dis na d
call center numba 112.
There was a robbery in
myneighbour's house and I called
them... next thing I heard
was.Welcome to Nigeria Police
Emergency Center... for English
press. 1, for Igbo press 2,
forYoruba press 3. Then I pressed
1... then another voice came
up....For Car Accident press1, for
Armed Robbery press 2,for Boko
haram please hangup...Den I
pressed 2, another voice came
up...If they're with knives press 1,
pistols press 2, AK47 press 3,
machine guns press4, bomb press
5, all of the above press6...Then I
checked and saw they were with
all of them then I pressed 6...
another voice came up saying...
Hmmmm...! Mybrother, if your
brotherdey police u go gree make
him come.

Grandma and Grandpa were
watching a healing service on the
television.
The evangelist called to all who
wanted to be healed to go to their
television set, place one hand on
the TV and the other hand on the
body part where they wanted to
be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly
hobbled to the television set,
placed her right hand on the set
and her left hand on her arthritic
shoulder that was causing her to
have great pain.
Then Grandpa got up, went to the
TV, placed his right hand on the
set and his left hand on his
crotch.
Grandma scowled at him and said,
"I guess you just don't get it. The
purpose of doing this is to heal
the sick, not raise the dead."

Lolz, make dem beware of electricity shock o! Hehehhe

A cockroach's last word to a man who wanted to kill it "Go ahead and kill me, you coward. You are just jealous that I make your wife scream more than you do when I climb her!"

A baby boy was born in hospital laughing instead of crying, the more the nurses beat him, the more he laughed so hard, suddenly the doctor noticed he had something in his hands, so he pulled the tiny hands apart and discovered he was holding 3 abortion pills.

The baby then turned his head looking at his mother, laughed again and said "NO WEAPON FASHIONED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER!"

Akpors accompanied his
wife to the doctor's office. After
her checkup, the doctor called
akpors into his office alone.
He said, "Your wife is suffering
from a very severe disease,
combined with horrible stress. If
you don't do the following, your
wife will surely die."
"Each morning, fix her a healthy
breakfast. Be pleasant, and make
sure she is in a good mood. For
lunch make her a nutritious meal
she can take to work. And for
dinner,
prepare an especially nice meal
for
her."
"Don't burden her with chores, as
this could further her stress. Don't
discuss your problems with her; it
will only make her stress worse.
Try to relax your wife in the
evening by wearing boxers and
giving her plenty of backrubs."
"Encourage her to watch some
type of team sporting event on
television. And most importantly,
make love with your wife
several times a week and satisfy
her every whim. If you can do
this for the next 10 months to a
year, I
think your wife will regain her
health."
On the way home, akpors's wife
asked him , "What did the
doctor say?"
Akpors replied: the doctor said u
are going to die, idiotic liability.
//mr folks//

A pastor nd a church sister were
having sex
under A tree not knowing dat A
smoker was
up on d tree hiding nd smoking.
After the
act,
the sister asked the pastor Did U
use
condom ? pastor : no !!! ? Girl:
supposing i get
pregnant who will take care of
the
baby?
The pastor replied lets leave it 2
the one
above. Suddenly the smoker
jumped down
shouted U Dey craze? LEAVE Wetin
4 who ?
NA me DO Am ? Lmao

D guy was rite. Funny

Na correct reponse that.

more stil comin

Fishegg45 wrote:

A pastor nd a church sister were
having sex
under A tree not knowing dat A
smoker was
up on d tree hiding nd smoking.
After the
act,
the sister asked the pastor Did U
use
condom ? pastor : no !!! ? Girl:
supposing i get
pregnant who will take care of
the
baby?
The pastor replied lets leave it 2
the one
above. Suddenly the smoker
jumped down
shouted U Dey craze? LEAVE Wetin
4 who ?
NA me DO Am ? Lmao

nice one

drop urz

You will see mine soon

@key2cee We are waiting!

There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure devise. She got extremely upset. "You impotent bastard!" she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, "I'll explain the toy if you explain the kids."

opolo + opolo = opolo

Water don pass garri

na so

Teacher Fell Asleep In Class And A
Little Naughty Boy Walked Up To
Him,
Johnny : “Teacher Are You
Sleeping In Class?”
Teacher : “No I Am Not Sleeping In
Class.”
Johnny : “ : “What Were You
Doing Sir ?”
Teacher : ” I Was Talking To God.”
The Next Day Johnny : “ Fell
Asleep In Class And The Same
Teacher Walks Up To Him
Teacher : “Young Man, You Are
Sleeping In My Class.”
Johnny : “ : “No Not Me Sir, I Am
Not Sleeping.”
Angry Teacher: “What Were You
Doing.??”
Johnny : “ : “I Was Talking To
God.”
Angry Teacher: “What Did He
Say??”
Johnny : “ : “God Said He Never
Spoke To You Yesterday”

johnny nah excelent guy

na so

Love turn sour
Emekas phone rings…
Nkechi: “Baby do you still luv me
like before?”
Emeka: “Ofcourse Yes, my luv for
you will never
change and is never ending.”
Nkechi: “Dats my babyyyy, I want
you to buy me
somting.”
Emeka: “Just name it, I am more
than capable, you
know me now, Nky bebe m”.
Nkechi: “Its just one BB porsche
sha…”
Emeka: “No problem. Just find out
the price and let
me know”
Nkechi: “Its 450 000 naira.”
Emeka: “Is it manual or
authomatic? Is it still in a
good shape, as in, the engine.
Have you checked the
fuel consumption too?” How
many kilometers has it
done?
Nkechi: ”Honey, its not a car ooo…
its a phone.”
Emeka: “Phone? Oh! does it come
with a plasma
tv, wardrobe and generator?”
Nkechi: “Please be serious, are
you buying it or not? ”
Emeka in a whisper) ”Ewo!”
Nkechi: “Helloooooo! are you still
there?”
Emeka: “Hiiiiiiiii!”
Nkechi : “What is this, I thought
you love me, infact,
don’t even bother again. I will call
Alhaji to get it for
me this evening.”
Emeka: “God purnish ya life , na
so your tin sweet
reach , not only Allhaji, better still,
call Atiku he will
be faster”
Nkechi: “Am going to delete you”
Emeka: “Is your fone hanging?
Cos I have deleted
you since you mentioned
porsche. ! Thief, how much
is bride price even in ya village
sef!

Hahahahaahahahaha

Lol!

The love you shower a girl
with is directly proportional to
The number of bullets her dad
will be showering at you..

No be small thing!

Be careful who prints your wedding programme!

A printer was asked to put 1 John 4:18 on a wedding programme but he made a mistake Instead he printed John 4:18.

1 John 4:18 says "there is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear; because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love"

John 4:18 reads, "For you have had five husbands, and he whom you now have is not your husband..."

Wedding is gooooo.

Abi.

Good advice

Emeka get hs brain rite dr.

Son : dad what is between mom's legs ?

Dad : it is paradise son

Son : what is between your legs dad

Dad : the key to paradise

Son : I think you should change the locks because the neighbors have got a spare.

This professor drives into a petrol
station in his Range Rover Sports
car.
Professor: Ma guys, abeg, give me
full tank.
Fuel Attendant: Sir, I don't speak
pidgin, I only speak English
Professor: Ok! Good Morning. I
currently feel a profound desire
to replenish the propelling of my
motorized automobile. Therefore
I cordially request you to transfer
from your subterranean reservoir
a sufficient quantity of the
combustible fluid of the highest
octane rating to fill the
appropriate receptacle of the said
means of perambulation to the
brim.
Fuel Attendant: Errrrrrm.... How
much fuel you wan buy bros?