JOKES OF NTC GUYZ PG +18

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MY BROS & SIS U WIL NEVA BLIV WHT HAPND 2ME YSTDY. STILL CNT GET OVA IT. I WNT 2 D SUPER MKT 2 PICK SMTHNG 2 EAT N AS I WS WALKING DWN D ISLE, I NOTICED DIS MAN STARING AT ME. I LUKED AT HIM N KEPT WALKING 2D FRONT COUNTER 2PICK BOTTLED WATER AND GALA. AS I PICKED DEM AND TURNED TO FIND D SAME MAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! I TRIED 2 SHOW HIM SOME LUV, SO I SMILED N SAID "HI" THEN I WENT ON 2 GET A CAN COKE. CAN U BELIEVE THE SAME MAN FOLLOWED ME? I WAS GETTING A LITTLE NERVOUS AND MAD COS HE WAS FOLLOWING ME WITHOUT SAYING ANYTING. BUT I TRIED TO STAY FRIENDLY" I JUST SAID "HI" HE FINALLY RESPONDED AND SAID, "I AM SORRY 4 STARING BUT U LOOK JUST LIKE MY YOUNGEST SON..WE JUST BURIED HIM 2WKS AGO. I FELT STUPID 4 GETING MAD AS I EXPRESSED MY SYMPATHY TO HIM. HE SAID HE WAS FINE AS HE KNOWS DAT HIS SON IS WITH D LORD. THEN HE ASKED ME TO DO HIM A FAVOUR. I SAID "IF I CAN". HE SAID HE WAS A BIT SAD DAT HIS SON NEVA SAID GOODBYE 2 HIM B4 PASSING ON. HE ASKED ME TO GET IN LINE BEHIND HIM & AS HE LEFT D STORE, I SHOULD SAY "GOODBYE DAD". SO DAT HE COULD HAVE SOME SENSE OF CLOSURE. THOUGH HIS REQUEST WAS WEIRD, I HOWEVER AGREED 2 GRANT IT. SO AS HE COLLECTED HIS BAGS FROM D CASHER AND WALKED AWAY, I SAID "BYE DAD". HE TURND AND SAID "BYE SON". WHEN THE CASHIER CALCULATED MY STUFF, SHE SAID THE TOTAL WAS N6750!!!. I SAID WHAT!!...CAN U TELL ME HOW A BOTTLE OF N70 WATER, N5O GALA AND N100 CAN COKE EQUALS N6750?. SHE SAID "YOUR DAD SAID U ARE PAYING 4 HIS TOO"....MY DAD?, I SHOUTED. DAT MAN IS NOT MY FATHER OOO!!!". I QUICKLY RUSHED OUT JUST IN TIME TO SEE THE MAN APPROACHING THE PARKING LOT. I RAN AFTER HIM AND WAS SCREAMING..."EX CUSE ME, EXCUSE ME!!!". HE STARTED RUNNING 4 HIS CAR AS HE SAW ME COMING. I CAUGHT UP WITH HIM JUST B4 HE WAS ABLE 2 CLOSE D DOOR. I KEPT ON PULLING AND PULLING HIS LEGS!!! JUST LIKE AM PULLING YOURS NOW!!! YOU TOO LIKE GIST! C AS U DEY ENJOY DEY READ DEY GO!! GudMrn My Ntc Guruz!

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Na yeye de worry u for posting dis crap here!

An Edo Man invited his friends for his mother's burial. After lowering the coffin, the family put yam, rice, meat etc, into the grave in line with tradition. An hausa man asked why? The Edo man smiled &said, ccording to our tradition, the dead go on a long journey & need all the food items they can get".

The hausa man dropped N100,000 inside and said, "when the food finish, buy more". The yoruba man dropped N50,000 and said, "add this incase it's not enough".

The Igbo man smiled and brought out his cheque book & wrote a cheque of N250,000, dropped it in the coffin & took the N150,000 notes as a change, then said, "Nwanne, withdraw when you reach dia o...It is going to be a dangerous journey we don't know how many robbers are out there and afterall we are in a cashless economy na! Travel well o!"

sunnydevess wrote:

An Edo Man invited his friends for his mother's burial. After lowering the coffin, the family put yam, rice, meat etc, into the grave in line with tradition. An hausa man asked why? The Edo man smiled &said, ccording to our tradition, the dead go on a long journey & need all the food items they can get".

The hausa man dropped N100,000 inside and said, "when the food finish, buy more". The yoruba man dropped N50,000 and said, "add this incase it's not enough".

The Igbo man smiled and brought out his cheque book & wrote a cheque of N250,000, dropped it in the coffin & took the N150,000 notes as a change, then said, "Nwanne, withdraw when you reach dia o...It is going to be a dangerous journey we don't know how many robbers are out there and afterall we are in a cashless economy na! Travel well o!"

hahaha na funny!

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defence:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses. "

The defendant smiled and with his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

sunnydevess wrote:

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defence:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses. "

The defendant smiled and with his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

AHAHAHAHAHAH.................NICE ONE

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A woman suspected her husband was sleeping with their house help. She sent the help to the village for weekend without telling her husband, and laid a trap for him. That night, they went to bed. He woke up later on, gave his old story "Excuse me dear, I want to watch TV in the sitting room". She quickly sneaked into the help's bedroom, switched off the light, stripped and laid on the bed naked.

While lying down, she heard him come in silently and started making love to her. When he finished, she said to him "God has exposed you today, you didn't expect me on this bed, did you?". She switched on the light and was shocked to see the gate man. The gate man said "Madam, I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you too o but I actually enjoyed it more." The Woman Fainted!

sunnydevess wrote:

A woman suspected her husband was sleeping with their house help. She sent the help to the village for weekend without telling her husband, and laid a trap for him. That night, they went to bed. He woke up later on, gave his old story "Excuse me dear, I want to watch TV in the sitting room". She quickly sneaked into the help's bedroom, switched off the light, stripped and laid on the bed naked.

While lying down, she heard him come in silently and started making love to her. When he finished, she said to him "God has exposed you today, you didn't expect me on this bed, did you?". She switched on the light and was shocked to see the gate man. The gate man said "Madam, I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you too o but I actually enjoyed it more." The Woman Fainted!

hmmm!

after all he has done he av the right to say sorry!

sunnydevess wrote:

A woman suspected her husband was sleeping with their house help. She sent the help to the village for weekend without telling her husband, and laid a trap for him. That night, they went to bed. He woke up later on, gave his old story "Excuse me dear, I want to watch TV in the sitting room". She quickly sneaked into the help's bedroom, switched off the light, stripped and laid on the bed naked.

While lying down, she heard him come in silently and started making love to her. When he finished, she said to him "God has exposed you today, you didn't expect me on this bed, did you?". She switched on the light and was shocked to see the gate man. The gate man said "Madam, I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you too o but I actually enjoyed it more." The Woman Fainted!

chaii! nah serious awuf 4 d gateman

sunnydevess wrote:

A woman suspected her husband was sleeping with their house help. She sent the help to the village for weekend without telling her husband, and laid a trap for him. That night, they went to bed. He woke up later on, gave his old story "Excuse me dear, I want to watch TV in the sitting room". She quickly sneaked into the help's bedroom, switched off the light, stripped and laid on the bed naked.

While lying down, she heard him come in silently and started making love to her. When he finished, she said to him "God has exposed you today, you didn't expect me on this bed, did you?". She switched on the light and was shocked to see the gate man. The gate man said "Madam, I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you too o but I actually enjoyed it more." The Woman Fainted!

congratulations to d gateman dat is double enjoyment

There were two little boys, 8 years JOHN and BILL 10 years old , very mischievous and naughty. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boy's mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old JOHN first, in the morning to see the clergyman.

The clergyman, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?". The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

JOHN screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother BILL found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother JOHN, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!".

HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love.
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes.
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender.
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye.

Another day

HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye

The next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother?

SON: I don't know, she went out with the blender.

bst thread eva lolz, i kindly nid to update u guyz today. watch out

Watchout for story

Wolex ib wrote:

Watchout for story

Watchout ke?

Wolex ib wrote:

Watchout for story

Watchout ke?

Tale of moon- NTA network-8pm

ebi like say dis thread dey operate like eclink.

Haaaaa

when?

Hahahahahahahahah.....
e rhythm my broda

hahaha

matindow wrote:

hahaha

what?

na wa ooo

sunnydevess wrote:

HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love.
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes.
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender.
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye.

Another day

HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye

The next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother?

SON: I don't know, she went out with the blender.

Interesting joke that just made ma evening..she went out with the blender...hahahaha...imagine what would this woman do if she goes to a man in a house where the electricity is off

Hmmmmmm....na u o.

Am Still Crying oooooo, my face
oooooooooo....
Wonders shall never cease.........
I was standing in front of the
entrance of my friend's house.
Then one Fat and huge man
came and told me that he
knows me, that he has met me
before. So I was like, I can't
really recall where and when I
met you, anyway, please
remind me. Then the man said
that he had met me in a
conference in Maiduguri,
Sambisa forest to be precise.
Oops! Mr Man, I have never
been to Maiduguri before was
my reply.
Before I could complete the
statement, I heard "TAWA -
TAWAI", a very hot slap on my
face, if the temperature of that
slap was to be measured it will
be around 200°C. I felt so
confused, at first I thought the
slap was not from the man, I
looked behind him to see if
there was another person
behind him, but there was
none.I tried to ask him what I
have done, I was trying to
apologize, sorry sir for not
recalling your name. 'TAWAI!!!!'
the slap came the second
time...
Jeez! I couldn't bear it any
longer. I held the man's shirt
on the neck and started pulling
him as am pulling your legs
now.
Kaiiiii! You too like gist
oooooooo. See as you dey
serious dey read am!
Hahahahahahaha.

lol

My Door Bell Rang Dis Morning
@ Exactly
6:35am,I Woke Up From A
Deep Sleep Where I
Was Having D
Sweetest Of My Dreams To See
Who Was @ D
Door...I
Walked Close To D Door,
Stretched Out My
Hand And Reached For D Knob,
Opened D Door
Only To
Discover To My Greatest
Surprise Dat It Was
Whom I
Nver Wnted To See Or Hear
From Again...I
Hissed And
Wanted To Just Bang D Door
And Den Go Back
To Bed But I Changed My Mind
And Asked Her
In..
How Can I Help U! I Inquired...D
Voice Dat
Responded
Was Low And "Shaky" But
Managed To Say "My
Dear
ALAGA, First Of All I Want Say
Sorry For
Disturbing Ur
Precious Sleep And Waking U
up Dis Early
Morning. I
Also Wnt To Say A Big Tanx To
U
For Also Allowing Me Into Ur
House" My Hrt
Melted
And I Took A Deep Breath As
She Continued
"Am So
Sorry For All D Wrongs I Have
done U.. Now I
Have Realised
Dat U Love And Care So Much
For Me. I Feel So
Ashamed Of Myself For Not
Reciprocating Ur
Love And
Care. I Have Carried Dis Burden
For Long In My
Heart And I Dont Tink I Can Live
Anoda Second
Witout
Sayin It Out.. I Have Been Tinkin
Of A Way To
Tell U This
Especially Now That You Have
Another Lady As
Your
Fiancee Until I Summoned
Courage Dis
Morning"
Cryin, She Said " Plz Forgv Me
And
Give Me A Chance In Ur Live To
Prove Myself" .@
Dis, I
Was Already Surprised As I Kept
Wondering If
Dis Is D
Same Genevive Nnaji
Dat I Have Been Asking Out For
Years Witout
Any Positive
Response...It Was Just Too Gud
To B Real....I
Reached
Out For Her, Dried Her
Tears Telling Her I Have
Forgiven Her And Still
Loved Her.
As I Held Her Close, About To
Give Her D
Deepest Kiss
She Will Never Forget, D Scene
Varnished And I
Found
Myself Lying
On D Bed And My Kid Brother
Asking Me "Bros,
No
Work Today? Dat Was Wen It
Occured To ME
Dat I Have
Been Dreaming Inside A Dream
While Asleep

nice piece.

can't stop laffing @Fishegg45

trouble Don kam

really funny man.
keep it up

lol @ fishegg

Can u imagine.
what I saw?, I walked up to a girl
yesterday evening, I told her that I like
her
that I want us to be dating, the girl just
looked at me and said;
Well, I cannot date you 'cos am already
in
love with
another guy. So I said I will like to know
more about her lucky guy and she said; My
guy is a fine boy, he lives in London,
his
surname
is Dan Fodio he's a native of Ibadan, his
name is
Chinedu, he plays for Arsenal fc, he was the
former
coach of barca, he contested for America
president
but Obama went and begged him so he
stepped
down. Last holiday, he took me to London,
when we
were in the plane, two men came with
parachute to
sell lacasera and gala for us, we couldn't
reach
London on time because of traffic, as if traffic
was
not enough, we even had a flat tyre, she
said FRSC
came and tow their plane off the road
for
another plane that is coming, and there was
heat
in the plane
so they came out to catch breeze.
.
.
. I, almost fainted. I later told her that God
will bless
their relationship, that I am not
interested
again!
TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY GUYS!

Lolz. HBD 2 u. LLNP bro

funny       

Fishegg45 wrote:

Can u imagine.
what I saw?, I walked up to a girl
yesterday evening, I told her that I like
her
that I want us to be dating, the girl just
looked at me and said;
Well, I cannot date you 'cos am already
in
love with
another guy. So I said I will like to know
more about her lucky guy and she said; My
guy is a fine boy, he lives in London,
his
surname
is Dan Fodio he's a native of Ibadan, his
name is
Chinedu, he plays for Arsenal fc, he was the
former
coach of barca, he contested for America
president
but Obama went and begged him so he
stepped
down. Last holiday, he took me to London,
when we
were in the plane, two men came with
parachute to
sell lacasera and gala for us, we couldn't
reach
London on time because of traffic, as if traffic
was
not enough, we even had a flat tyre, she
said FRSC
came and tow their plane off the road
for
another plane that is coming, and there was
heat
in the plane
so they came out to catch breeze.
.
.
. I, almost fainted. I later told her that God
will bless
their relationship, that I am not
interested
again!
TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY GUYS!

HBD

I travelled to China, and while I was there I was
sexually promiscuous and didn't use condom at
all. A week after I came back to Nigeria, I woke
up one morning to see my manhood covered
with bright green and purple spots. I rushed to
see a consultant at the National Hospital Abuja.
The doctor who had never seen anything like
that before, ordered some tests and told me to
come back in two days for the results. I came
back, and he said, he had bad news for me, that
I have contracted Mongolian VD, that It is very
rare and almost unheard of, that they know very
little about it. I looked a little perplexed and told
him to give me a shot or something and fix me
up. He said, he is sorry, that there is no known
cure. They have to amputate my manhood. I
yelled in horror, Ampu! What? I told him I want a
second opinion, and begged. He said it's my
choice. I should go ahead if I want, but surgery
is my only choice. The next day, I searched the
whole of Abuja for a Chinese doctor, figuring that
a chinese doctor will know more about the
disease. The Chinese doctor I found examined
my manhood and said, Aaaha, yes, Mongolian
VD. Very lare disease. I said, Yes, yes, I already
know that, but what can we do? A Nigerian
doctor wants to operate and amputate my
manhood? The Chinese doctor shook his head
and laughed, Silly docta, always want to opelate,
make more money that way, no need to opelate.
Oh, thank God!, I exclaimed, relieved. Yes, the
Chinese doctor said, You no worry, wait another
couple of weeks. Manhood fall off by itself! I
collasped!

Fishegg45 wrote:

I travelled to China, and while I was there I was
sexually promiscuous and didn't use condom at
all. A week after I came back to Nigeria, I woke
up one morning to see my manhood covered
with bright green and purple spots. I rushed to
see a consultant at the National Hospital Abuja.
The doctor who had never seen anything like
that before, ordered some tests and told me to
come back in two days for the results. I came
back, and he said, he had bad news for me, that
I have contracted Mongolian VD, that It is very
rare and almost unheard of, that they know very
little about it. I looked a little perplexed and told
him to give me a shot or something and fix me
up. He said, he is sorry, that there is no known
cure. They have to amputate my manhood. I
yelled in horror, Ampu! What? I told him I want a
second opinion, and begged. He said it's my
choice. I should go ahead if I want, but surgery
is my only choice. The next day, I searched the
whole of Abuja for a Chinese doctor, figuring that
a chinese doctor will know more about the
disease. The Chinese doctor I found examined
my manhood and said, Aaaha, yes, Mongolian
VD. Very lare disease. I said, Yes, yes, I already
know that, but what can we do? A Nigerian
doctor wants to operate and amputate my
manhood? The Chinese doctor shook his head
and laughed, Silly docta, always want to opelate,
make more money that way, no need to opelate.
Oh, thank God!, I exclaimed, relieved. Yes, the
Chinese doctor said, You no worry, wait another
couple of weeks. Manhood fall off by itself! I
collasped!

Fishegg45 wrote:

I travelled to China, and while I was there I was
sexually promiscuous and didn't use condom at
all. A week after I came back to Nigeria, I woke
up one morning to see my manhood covered
with bright green and purple spots. I rushed to
see a consultant at the National Hospital Abuja.
The doctor who had never seen anything like
that before, ordered some tests and told me to
come back in two days for the results. I came
back, and he said, he had bad news for me, that
I have contracted Mongolian VD, that It is very
rare and almost unheard of, that they know very
little about it. I looked a little perplexed and told
him to give me a shot or something and fix me
up. He said, he is sorry, that there is no known
cure. They have to amputate my manhood. I
yelled in horror, Ampu! What? I told him I want a
second opinion, and begged. He said it's my
choice. I should go ahead if I want, but surgery
is my only choice. The next day, I searched the
whole of Abuja for a Chinese doctor, figuring that
a chinese doctor will know more about the
disease. The Chinese doctor I found examined
my manhood and said, Aaaha, yes, Mongolian
VD. Very lare disease. I said, Yes, yes, I already
know that, but what can we do? A Nigerian
doctor wants to operate and amputate my
manhood? The Chinese doctor shook his head
and laughed, Silly docta, always want to opelate,
make more money that way, no need to opelate.
Oh, thank God!, I exclaimed, relieved. Yes, the
Chinese doctor said, You no worry, wait another
couple of weeks. Manhood fall off by itself! I
collasped!

haaaaa, LWKMD o!

Lolz

Nice one bro

A Policeman stopped a man at a checkpoint;
Hey, Mr Man, park there, park, I say park!
Officer, good morning! The man said. What is
good about the morning? The police asked.
Officer please, I am not well. You are stupid,
how does that concern me? The police shouted.
The man said; Officer, can't you pity me. The
police shouted, Don't waste my time, let me
have your particulars. The man said, Officer, as
the thing is disturbing me seriously, I left my
particulars at home.
What is it that is disturbing you seriously that
will make you leave your particulars at home?
The policeman asked, and shouted, Park well!
The man explained, Officer, it's like, it is, erm,
erm, erm, E' E' BO.... Ebo what???? The
policeman asked. Wait! Wait!! Wait!!! Don't
complete it, let it not be what I am thinking o!
Carry it to the next checkpoint and complete the
remaining 2 letter words there. Officer manage
this 4,000 Naira please, don't be angry. The
man said, handing the police four, one thousand
naira, notes. The policeman screamed running
into the bush, Ah, I'm a good samaritan Mr Man,
are you still there? He shouted fiercely.
The man drove off.
The police came out of the bush, heaved a sigh
of relief, and exclaimed, Nonsense! Thank God
you did not give me the ''LA'', It is it that is
killing people.

On Lagos-Ibadan express road when a Pastor
met a team of policemen who, quite
naturally, wanted 'something' from him. Since
he was not prepared to play their
games, they asked for his papers and having
combed through everything without
any offence with which to nail the 'stubborn'
pastor, they now asked him to open
the bonnet of his car. A careful scrutiny of the
engine number against what was
on paper revealed that letter U was written in
such a way that it could be
mistaken for letter V. That was all the officer-
in-charge needed to shout
"stolen vehicle! Sensing trouble, even when he
knew he committed no offence, the
pastor called the OC to say he was a priest to
which the officer replied
:"Please, leave that pastor thing...in any case, if
you are indeed a pastor,
then you must have a Bible in your car, bring it."
The Pastor did as was
commanded after which the officer now ordered:
"Please read Matthew 5:25, 26 to me".
The incredulous Pastor opened to the
recommended passage and read:
"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who
is taking you to court. Do it
while you are still with him on the way, or he
may hand you over to a judge, and
the judge may hand you over to the officer, and
you may be thrown into prison. I
tell you the truth; you will not get out until you
have paid the last penny."
The man of God quietly made an "offering" of
"just" one N100 to his newly found
"preacher".
End of service! Go in peace and argue no more,
said the OC.

Lolz

Funny, it has been said dt evil doer r d1 wu sabi bible pass to back thier evil wrk...

eddyvic wrote:

Funny, it has been said dt evil doer r d1 wu sabi bible pass to back thier evil wrk...

true talk