JOKES OF NTC GUYZ PG +18

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MY BROS & SIS U WIL NEVA BLIV WHT HAPND 2ME YSTDY. STILL CNT GET OVA IT. I WNT 2 D SUPER MKT 2 PICK SMTHNG 2 EAT N AS I WS WALKING DWN D ISLE, I NOTICED DIS MAN STARING AT ME. I LUKED AT HIM N KEPT WALKING 2D FRONT COUNTER 2PICK BOTTLED WATER AND GALA. AS I PICKED DEM AND TURNED TO FIND D SAME MAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! I TRIED 2 SHOW HIM SOME LUV, SO I SMILED N SAID "HI" THEN I WENT ON 2 GET A CAN COKE. CAN U BELIEVE THE SAME MAN FOLLOWED ME? I WAS GETTING A LITTLE NERVOUS AND MAD COS HE WAS FOLLOWING ME WITHOUT SAYING ANYTING. BUT I TRIED TO STAY FRIENDLY" I JUST SAID "HI" HE FINALLY RESPONDED AND SAID, "I AM SORRY 4 STARING BUT U LOOK JUST LIKE MY YOUNGEST SON..WE JUST BURIED HIM 2WKS AGO. I FELT STUPID 4 GETING MAD AS I EXPRESSED MY SYMPATHY TO HIM. HE SAID HE WAS FINE AS HE KNOWS DAT HIS SON IS WITH D LORD. THEN HE ASKED ME TO DO HIM A FAVOUR. I SAID "IF I CAN". HE SAID HE WAS A BIT SAD DAT HIS SON NEVA SAID GOODBYE 2 HIM B4 PASSING ON. HE ASKED ME TO GET IN LINE BEHIND HIM & AS HE LEFT D STORE, I SHOULD SAY "GOODBYE DAD". SO DAT HE COULD HAVE SOME SENSE OF CLOSURE. THOUGH HIS REQUEST WAS WEIRD, I HOWEVER AGREED 2 GRANT IT. SO AS HE COLLECTED HIS BAGS FROM D CASHER AND WALKED AWAY, I SAID "BYE DAD". HE TURND AND SAID "BYE SON". WHEN THE CASHIER CALCULATED MY STUFF, SHE SAID THE TOTAL WAS N6750!!!. I SAID WHAT!!...CAN U TELL ME HOW A BOTTLE OF N70 WATER, N5O GALA AND N100 CAN COKE EQUALS N6750?. SHE SAID "YOUR DAD SAID U ARE PAYING 4 HIS TOO"....MY DAD?, I SHOUTED. DAT MAN IS NOT MY FATHER OOO!!!". I QUICKLY RUSHED OUT JUST IN TIME TO SEE THE MAN APPROACHING THE PARKING LOT. I RAN AFTER HIM AND WAS SCREAMING..."EX CUSE ME, EXCUSE ME!!!". HE STARTED RUNNING 4 HIS CAR AS HE SAW ME COMING. I CAUGHT UP WITH HIM JUST B4 HE WAS ABLE 2 CLOSE D DOOR. I KEPT ON PULLING AND PULLING HIS LEGS!!! JUST LIKE AM PULLING YOURS NOW!!! YOU TOO LIKE GIST! C AS U DEY ENJOY DEY READ DEY GO!! GudMrn My Ntc Guruz!

Na waoooo for u

OKON: I saw a strap of your bra. TEACHER: Okon Get out! No class for you for a week! [Another Boy laughs] TEACHER: Why did you laugh? BOY: I saw both straps of d bra. TEACHER: Get out! No class for you for 1 month! [Teacher bends down to pick chalk & Akpos started walking out] TEACHER: Akpos, why are you going out? AKPOS: What I saw just now, I think my school days are over!

Akpors call customer care by 1am. After 30mins of advert finally akpors comes on line. Customer care ...hello this kingsley from mtn customer care how can I help u. Akpors..god punish u. Customer care...sorry sir dats not polite wats the problem akpors..na me u de ask? Check ur time wetin de nack customer care ..sir dis 1:30am. Akpors..so why u no dey sleep u bewinch? Customer care..no sir am not a. wizard. Akpors...den wetin u be others neva sleep finish? Customer care..sir pls go straight to the reason why u called Akpors..ok. I get#99 for my fone abeg transfer me #1 naira make I take make midnight call. Who cum be winch?

Fishegg45 wrote:

OKON: I saw a strap of your bra. TEACHER: Okon Get out! No class for you for a week! [Another Boy laughs] TEACHER: Why did you laugh? BOY: I saw both straps of d bra. TEACHER: Get out! No class for you for 1 month! [Teacher bends down to pick chalk & Akpos started walking out] TEACHER: Akpos, why are you going out? AKPOS: What I saw just now, I think my school days are over!

This is the ultimate, thanks for this man.

Fishegg45 wrote:

Akpors call customer care by 1am. After 30mins of advert finally akpors comes on line. Customer care ...hello this kingsley from mtn customer care how can I help u. Akpors..god punish u. Customer care...sorry sir dats not polite wats the problem akpors..na me u de ask? Check ur time wetin de nack customer care ..sir dis 1:30am. Akpors..so why u no dey sleep u bewinch? Customer care..no sir am not a. wizard. Akpors...den wetin u be others neva sleep finish? Customer care..sir pls go straight to the reason why u called Akpors..ok. I get#99 for my fone abeg transfer me #1 naira make I take make midnight call. Who cum be winch?

Which nollywood actor can act his place in movies? I guess Mr. Ibu because he looks like an akpos too.

So ALI BABA is AKPORS

Its only in Nigerian movies you
would see the
following happen.
1) A mother travels from the
village to Lagos,
argues with her son about not
having a male
child, then back to the
village...THE SAME DAY!
Abi village dey get airport?
2) A girl carries the same
hairstyle, even after 2
years.
3) You'd see the camera man
through the side
body of a car or when u look
closely into Jim
Iyke's huge glasses.
4) A ghost looks left and right
before crossing the
road.
5) Girls wear very short dresses,
revealing their
bosoms and sky high heels to
school...but their
lecturers say nothing about it.
6) A woman barges into her
husband with
another woman in a hotel room.
Abi who give her
key?
7) A policeman with 6-rounds
revolver keeps
shooting at armed robbers more
than 20 times. I
no know say bullet dey generate
itself like DNA
A man wants to send his wife
packing, he goes
into the room and comes out
with about 3 ready
packed bags as if the wife had
already prepared
herself for the event
Feel free to add your own
observations.

actors fall on cushion or on bed after being shot.

hahahah.... dats 9ja movies

They're entertaining, anyway.

Fishegg45 wrote:

Its only in Nigerian movies you
would see the
following happen.
1) A mother travels from the
village to Lagos,
argues with her son about not
having a male
child, then back to the
village...THE SAME DAY!
Abi village dey get airport?
2) A girl carries the same
hairstyle, even after 2
years.
3) You'd see the camera man
through the side
body of a car or when u look
closely into Jim
Iyke's huge glasses.
4) A ghost looks left and right
before crossing the
road.
5) Girls wear very short dresses,
revealing their
bosoms and sky high heels to
school...but their
lecturers say nothing about it.
6) A woman barges into her
husband with
another woman in a hotel room.
Abi who give her
key?
7) A policeman with 6-rounds
revolver keeps
shooting at armed robbers more
than 20 times. I
no know say bullet dey generate
itself like DNA
A man wants to send his wife
packing, he goes
into the room and comes out
with about 3 ready
packed bags as if the wife had
already prepared
herself for the event
Feel free to add your own
observations.

nice shot, i like this

funny but Tru

U go barbing saloon go ask 4 paracetamol, re u a learner??.... U enta swimming pool den shout tak say fish don bite u... No b ur fault, na lack of Smatinbodismitic anamanopelology.... Lolz... Abi. Ur mate dey read txtbuk u na sms buk u dey read. U go hausa man shop go tel am say make hm put bread, saidine, gesha, nd egg 4 u. Hm do am finish den u tel am xay mek hm cut am 4 10naira gv u bt nw u dey general hospital. Abeg re u a learner? Ur sister comoth 4rm bathrum wit water al over ha body den u ask ha: sis , wr u takin ur bath. Xori, na myopia d do u;-):-P.

Fishegg45 wrote:

U go barbing saloon go ask 4 paracetamol, re u a learner??.... U enta swimming pool den shout tak say fish don bite u... No b ur fault, na lack of Smatinbodismitic anamanopelology.... Lolz... Abi. Ur mate dey read txtbuk u na sms buk u dey read. U go hausa man shop go tel am say make hm put bread, saidine, gesha, nd egg 4 u. Hm do am finish den u tel am xay mek hm cut am 4 10naira gv u bt nw u dey general hospital. Abeg re u a learner? Ur sister comoth 4rm bathrum wit water al over ha body den u ask ha: sis , wr u takin ur bath. Xori, na myopia d do u;-):-P.

The Federal Republic of Nigeria has approved and released $2b for victims of HIV Aids, abeg if u carry am, no shame, just pm me for ur share N1m each! One person per family, make una no come give me names of una brodas nd sistas

keep them coming.

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new chairman for Microsoft Europe. Five thousand candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Uchenna, a Nigerian guy. Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asked those who do not know Java program to leave. Uchenna says to himself, “I do not know Java but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try...

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. Two thousand left the room. Uchenna says to himself “I never managed anybody but myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me? So he stays, then Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not have management diploma to leave. Five hundred people left the room. Uchenna says to himself, “I left school at 15 but what have I to lose? So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill asked the candidates who do not speak Serb-Croatian to leave. 498 candidates left the room. Uchenna says to himself, “I do not speak Serb-Croatian but what do I have to lose? So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said, “Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serb-Croatian, so I’d like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.

Calmly, Uchenna turns to the other candidate and says “Wahala dey o!”.

The other candidate answers “Omo na wa o!”

Bill Gates “ You are both hired”.

sunnydevess wrote:

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new chairman for Microsoft Europe. Five thousand candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Uchenna, a Nigerian guy. Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asked those who do not know Java program to leave. Uchenna says to himself, “I do not know Java but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try...

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. Two thousand left the room. Uchenna says to himself “I never managed anybody but myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me? So he stays, then Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not have management diploma to leave. Five hundred people left the room. Uchenna says to himself, “I left school at 15 but what have I to lose? So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill asked the candidates who do not speak Serb-Croatian to leave. 498 candidates left the room. Uchenna says to himself, “I do not speak Serb-Croatian but what do I have to lose? So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said, “Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serb-Croatian, so I’d like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.

Calmly, Uchenna turns to the other candidate and says “Wahala dey o!”.

The other candidate answers “Omo na wa o!”

Bill Gates “ You are both hired”.

naija sha

sunnydevess wrote:

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new chairman for Microsoft Europe. Five thousand candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Uchenna, a Nigerian guy. Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asked those who do not know Java program to leave. Uchenna says to himself, “I do not know Java but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try...

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. Two thousand left the room. Uchenna says to himself “I never managed anybody but myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me? So he stays, then Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not have management diploma to leave. Five hundred people left the room. Uchenna says to himself, “I left school at 15 but what have I to lose? So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill asked the candidates who do not speak Serb-Croatian to leave. 498 candidates left the room. Uchenna says to himself, “I do not speak Serb-Croatian but what do I have to lose? So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said, “Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serb-Croatian, so I’d like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.

Calmly, Uchenna turns to the other candidate and says “Wahala dey o!”.

The other candidate answers “Omo na wa o!”

Bill Gates “ You are both hired”.

Naija brain

Naija no da carry last

Anything u no get 4 naija : u no fit get am 4 d whole world.

A man went to police station for filing report for his missing wife: Man: I lost my wife (misty) Inspector: What is her height Man: I never noticed Inspector: Slim or healthy Man: Not slim can be healthy Inspector: Colour of eyes Man: Never noticed Inspector: Colour of hair Man: Changes according to season Inspector: What was she wearing Man: Saree/suit/ I don’t remember exactly Inspector: Was somebody with her ? Man: Yes my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blueeyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls,he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the man started crying….. Inspector: Lets search for the dog first !

yes now...one step at a time...lolz

CLASSIC JOKE
A wife suspected her husband
for having sex with their
maid, so she set a trap for the
husband by sending the maid
to the village for weekend
without telling her husband.
At night, the husband told his
usual story 'darling I want to
go and watch wrestling
match in the sitting room' and
he left.
The wife silently went to the
maid's room lying on the bed
naked with no light, he
opened the door, joined her
on the bed without wasting
time and without a word, he
had sex with her.
After the fifth round she said
'it is enough, i catch you, so
this is how you used to have
sex with her, you normally do
two rounds telling me you are
tired. Five rounds now, you
are still demanding for more.
The gateman replied. “Sorry
madam, i didn't know you are
the one”

Hi everyone, i kno dis same
topic
has bn on 4 somtym now but i
really find it so interestin
hence
i'm bringing it up again....lets
hav
fun wit d various hilarious
sayings used by actor
Chinwetalu
Agu.
I start.....otanjele mgbeochie

Ala Nwayi Asaba

imagine the conconbility

agbusi agbaa otele

Ovoko

Igbanda

etelu ugba - etelu ose

Georgio wrote:

etelu ugba - etelu ose

na waa for this igbo guy self, did u sabi ugba nd ose.....

Okotorigba

kip postin, til wil hit 50postz

They hv change dis thread to anothr thing ow

Fishegg45 wrote:

kip postin, til wil hit 50postz

no way u can hit 50post,like GHANA LOTTO RESULT, is the fastest on the forum.

Hmmm u must usd wit dat thread

i wil mak dz thread grow faster. Watchout

[quote="ancl"]They hv change dis thread to anothr thing ow

There's no cause 4 alarm,meanwhile Aneke Peter do U know about UTOBOENE

a naked woman ran into an igbo man"s taxi and told the driver were she was going. The taxi driver Didnt start the car but he stared at the woman continuously from the mirror.. The woman asked him. Why are u looking at me like that? Or have u not seen a naked woman before? the taxi driver replied: madam am not looking at ur nakedness, am just wondering were u kept the money u are going to pay me.

Fishegg45 wrote:

a naked woman ran into an igbo man"s taxi and told the driver were she was going. The taxi driver Didnt start the car but he stared at the woman continuously from the mirror.. The woman asked him. Why are u looking at me like that? Or have u not seen a naked woman before? the taxi driver replied: madam am not looking at ur nakedness, am just wondering were u kept the money u are going to pay me.

is't sure that the driver put his intrest in money or what?

Money first.

yes o

If i'm the one, i av to correct my money b4 any order thing

A guy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?" The girl answered with a loudvoice, "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!" All the students in the librarystarted staring at the guy, and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, thegirl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed,right?" The guy responded with a loud voice, "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!" And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock, and the guy whispered in her ear, "I study law, and I know how to make someone feel guilty."

Fishegg45 wrote:

A guy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?" The girl answered with a loudvoice, "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!" All the students in the librarystarted staring at the guy, and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, thegirl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed,right?" The guy responded with a loud voice, "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!" And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock, and the guy whispered in her ear, "I study law, and I know how to make someone feel guilty."

YES IS VICE VERSA

datz hw we see it. Lolz

ahah equillibrium constant

Lolz